Henry is visiting family in Denmark, this is his missive to me about the experience. It made me chuckle so I thought I would share it!
Greetings from gloomy Denmark. It will be dark soon and Christmas is 'twirly' here. Big meal is on 24th. Mayhem ensues thereafter with kids, noise and giggles with long conversations about 'what we did last/previous years from dowagers and crones in a corner.
Women who cook once a year get stressed and the men who only drink beer at weekends suddenly become experts on wine that tastes like boiled lipstick. Instead of an English version, aka a flaming ball of half forgotten 'pudding set on fire to make it memorable, the Danes have rice pudding with almonds in it. There is always one whole almond for someone to find and so claim the pudding prize..
A table cloth that was sewn of Santa designs or snowy trees gets ironed, bits of twig and broken fir tree are tarted up with expensive candles and a highly inflammable bit of ribbon. It is then stuck in the middle of the dining table until everyone realises they can’t see each other over the artificial forest and it is chucked outside until it finds it’s way decorating the dump truck that collects the detritus of Christmas past, sometime next year. The menu starts with pickled fishes followed by some more fishes less pickled and more slimy, then comes the pig roast. No one ever sees a real pig in Denmark because they are all 'matured’ and grown in secretive barns away from the eyes of people who must not be disturbed by grubbing animals in flat windy fields. But pig exports keep these Vikings alive and in comfort so to eat some at Christmas is ‘de rigour’.
Then comes some roast Duck with thick gravy, which Danes call 'Sauce'. It looks like mud, behaves like mud, and makes the duck taste a bit like mud. As well as this, there will be potatoes: little ones cooked in their skins, then hand-peeled and speared on a thing that resembles a Neptune fork. By this time they are cold, so they are sautéed off in brown sugar and either butter or oil, sprinkled with salt and paraded around the base of the duck along with chunks of eating apple that has been slow cooked in butter with some prunes. Eventually you have on your plate a bit of duck that has been cremated twice, sitting in a puddle of mud with some prunes that resemble stones and the mud with some apples floating on the mud surface, amplified by the ring of fat that has drained off them, also floating. This will be demolished by people whose great culinary fame is for Sandwiches with the top slice missing, called gushingly by food writers as Smørebrød. Translated it simply means bread and butter! If only, I think! #
Then comes the masterpiece of cold rice pudding with almonds in it and everyone stirs their own portion like badgers seeking their hole, as they look for the one whole almond in hope of getting the pudding prize. There follows healthy discussion of when each person has been 'lucky' since they can remember, with arguments like 'no it was me - No it wasn’t - that was the year before'. I search for my discreet Rennie tablet and lie through my teeth to say that it was 'delicious' and the best I can remember. ( Chefs, like Coppers, always support each other as they never know when their own disaster will need a helping hand.)
Meantime I learn about ULU: it’s a knife that is used in Greenland and Alaska by those people who live on seals, whales and an occasional carrot. Why does Trump want that place! The Danes have been complaining about the cost of it since the year dot and Vikings, but like all 'little countries' want to own great chunks of land very far away. A bit like the Brits really, as your daughter will attest! Have a great time and I Hope to see you soon
Henry.
Greetings from gloomy Denmark. It will be dark soon and Christmas is 'twirly' here. Big meal is on 24th. Mayhem ensues thereafter with kids, noise and giggles with long conversations about 'what we did last/previous years from dowagers and crones in a corner.
Women who cook once a year get stressed and the men who only drink beer at weekends suddenly become experts on wine that tastes like boiled lipstick. Instead of an English version, aka a flaming ball of half forgotten 'pudding set on fire to make it memorable, the Danes have rice pudding with almonds in it. There is always one whole almond for someone to find and so claim the pudding prize..
A table cloth that was sewn of Santa designs or snowy trees gets ironed, bits of twig and broken fir tree are tarted up with expensive candles and a highly inflammable bit of ribbon. It is then stuck in the middle of the dining table until everyone realises they can’t see each other over the artificial forest and it is chucked outside until it finds it’s way decorating the dump truck that collects the detritus of Christmas past, sometime next year. The menu starts with pickled fishes followed by some more fishes less pickled and more slimy, then comes the pig roast. No one ever sees a real pig in Denmark because they are all 'matured’ and grown in secretive barns away from the eyes of people who must not be disturbed by grubbing animals in flat windy fields. But pig exports keep these Vikings alive and in comfort so to eat some at Christmas is ‘de rigour’.
Then comes some roast Duck with thick gravy, which Danes call 'Sauce'. It looks like mud, behaves like mud, and makes the duck taste a bit like mud. As well as this, there will be potatoes: little ones cooked in their skins, then hand-peeled and speared on a thing that resembles a Neptune fork. By this time they are cold, so they are sautéed off in brown sugar and either butter or oil, sprinkled with salt and paraded around the base of the duck along with chunks of eating apple that has been slow cooked in butter with some prunes. Eventually you have on your plate a bit of duck that has been cremated twice, sitting in a puddle of mud with some prunes that resemble stones and the mud with some apples floating on the mud surface, amplified by the ring of fat that has drained off them, also floating. This will be demolished by people whose great culinary fame is for Sandwiches with the top slice missing, called gushingly by food writers as Smørebrød. Translated it simply means bread and butter! If only, I think! #
Then comes the masterpiece of cold rice pudding with almonds in it and everyone stirs their own portion like badgers seeking their hole, as they look for the one whole almond in hope of getting the pudding prize. There follows healthy discussion of when each person has been 'lucky' since they can remember, with arguments like 'no it was me - No it wasn’t - that was the year before'. I search for my discreet Rennie tablet and lie through my teeth to say that it was 'delicious' and the best I can remember. ( Chefs, like Coppers, always support each other as they never know when their own disaster will need a helping hand.)
Meantime I learn about ULU: it’s a knife that is used in Greenland and Alaska by those people who live on seals, whales and an occasional carrot. Why does Trump want that place! The Danes have been complaining about the cost of it since the year dot and Vikings, but like all 'little countries' want to own great chunks of land very far away. A bit like the Brits really, as your daughter will attest! Have a great time and I Hope to see you soon
Henry.
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