Male Rules
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all
numbered "1" on purpose!
1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you
leaving it down.
1) Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Live with it.
1) Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1) Don't cut your hair. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair.
1) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.
1) Crying is blackmail.
1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1) We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
1) Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any
question.
1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact,all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.
1) Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway, it's genetic.
1) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1) Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we!
1) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. Again, it's genetic.
1) We are not mind readers and we will never be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
1) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, fluctuation or last nights sports
scores.
1) You have enough clothes.
1) You have too many shoes.
1) No, No, you really have too many shoes.
1) It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1) I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? its like camping.
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all
numbered "1" on purpose!
1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you
leaving it down.
1) Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Live with it.
1) Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1) Don't cut your hair. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair.
1) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.
1) Crying is blackmail.
1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1) We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
1) Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any
question.
1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact,all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.
1) Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway, it's genetic.
1) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1) Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we!
1) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. Again, it's genetic.
1) We are not mind readers and we will never be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
1) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, fluctuation or last nights sports
scores.
1) You have enough clothes.
1) You have too many shoes.
1) No, No, you really have too many shoes.
1) It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1) I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? its like camping.
)
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