what i like to call accidents

Jun 26, 2022
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I recently got thinking about some of the what i like to call accidents which have happened to me in my life which I now realize are down to plain stupidity.😬
today while slicing cucumber with a very sharp knife with my finger alongside the cucumber stopped short of amputation and a lengthy hospital wait.


Last week while cleaning out our cold water tank fell waist deep through the ceiling much to the surprise of my dog who ran away to her bed and wouldn't come out till dinner time.
When i was a child while on holiday I decided to rile up a huge ball of bees which where swarming in the garden of the holiday home, seconds later i ran into the house screaming with a ball of bees wrapped around my knee , my mothers screams mixing with mine as i introduced her to my predicament. nearly ruined everyone's holiday with hospital visits that time🤣

When i was an apprentice chippy i took a pair of long nose pliers to the spring thingy on the trucks wing mirror i forget why, but I was pulling on the spring when it let go and I was left standing there dazed with needle nose pliers stinking out of my forehead like a bad doctor who villain.



When i was 12 while playing in a recent huge snowfall i took the side off an enamel cooker and on an incline like one in one , after good run up set off on my new sledge only to find myself whizzing downhill like a toboggan sleigh where in I hit the brick wall at the bottom of this massive hill flew 30 feet into the air over the quiet road only to be run over by an ice-cream van.
Broken collar bones both sides and a busted leg. months off school.

These are just a small sample of the stupid i have exhibited In my life and the only surprise is that I'm still alive. surely I'm not the only gifted in this way.😜
 
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To quote Forrest Gump...

"Stoopid is, as stoopid does" I am sure we can all recall daft things in our lives. Me? I once dived off the end of my bed onto green lino. Well I had just watched some diving on the TV, I was about 3.
I still carry the scar!
 
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That's funny, age 6 stuck two of my mothers hairgrips in the ac socket and switched it on . my parents said i was accident prone. 68 yrs young now married to belated wife 42 years 2 kids one a in Minnesota the other a geneticist they obviously take after their mother.
 
Apr 20, 2009
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When i was 12 while playing in a recent huge snowfall i took the side off an enamel cooker and on an incline like one in one , after good run up set off on my new sledge only to find myself whizzing downhill like a toboggan sleigh where in I hit the brick wall at the bottom of this massive hill flew 30 feet into the air over the quiet road only to be run over by an ice-cream van.
Broken collar bones both sides and a busted leg. months off school.
What on earth was the ice cream van man doing out in a snowfall :LOL:
 
Nov 11, 2009
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With my wife away in Turkey I decided to make a bowl of porridge as a change from the normal muesli and seeds. Got the proportion of oats milk and water fine si left it on two minute timer to simmer. Once tge time had sounded I poured the porridge into a bowl. Unusually for me I took a tray from the side of the cooker. After sitting down to eat the porridge the hall smoke detector set off. Strange I thought as I’ve not put the toast on yet. It wouldn’t shut up by blowing and then I smelt smoke. My sense of smell is not good following a head injury some years back. When I turned around a pair of oven gloves that had sat on the tray were well alight. I’d moved them off of the tray onto the top of the hob without turning the burner off if simmer. How am I going to explain to my wife why there are new oven gloves when she arrives home?

Fortunately I didn’t set the boundary fence on fire too. 😱


IMG_0960.jpeg
 
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With my wife away in Turkey I decided to make a bowl of porridge as a change from the normal muesli and seeds. Got the proportion of oats milk and water fine si left it on two minute timer to simmer. Once tge time had sounded I poured the porridge into a bowl. Unusually for me I took a tray from the side of the cooker. After sitting down to eat the porridge the hall smoke detector set off. Strange I thought as I’ve not put the toast on yet. It wouldn’t shut up by blowing and then I smelt smoke. My sense of smell is not good following a head injury some years back. When I turned around a pair of oven gloves that had sat on the tray were well alight. I’d moved them off of the tray onto the top of the hob without turning the burner off if simmer. How am I going to explain to my wife why there are new oven gloves when she arrives home?

Fortunately I didn’t set the boundary fence on fire too. 😱


View attachment 4858
I am saying Nothing, except I had to repaint all of the Kitchen.
 
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With my wife away in Turkey I decided to make a bowl of porridge as a change from the normal muesli and seeds. Got the proportion of oats milk and water fine si left it on two minute timer to simmer. Once tge time had sounded I poured the porridge into a bowl. Unusually for me I took a tray from the side of the cooker. After sitting down to eat the porridge the hall smoke detector set off. Strange I thought as I’ve not put the toast on yet. It wouldn’t shut up by blowing and then I smelt smoke. My sense of smell is not good following a head injury some years back. When I turned around a pair of oven gloves that had sat on the tray were well alight. I’d moved them off of the tray onto the top of the hob without turning the burner off if simmer. How am I going to explain to my wife why there are new oven gloves when she arrives home?

Fortunately I didn’t set the boundary fence on fire too. 😱


View attachment 4858
Accidents do happen and thankfully it only oven gloves you are replacing;)
 
Nov 11, 2009
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Funny, I had to do that when I failed to turn he grill off after doing some bacon.
Thank you Hutch and Ray, I will stop my mental self flagellation session right now without any further feelings of guilt. Clearly blokes need to be kept away from cookers. Salad and tinned fish from hereon until my wife arrives back.
 
Nov 16, 2015
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Thank you Hutch and Ray, I will stop my mental self flagellation session right now without any further feelings of guilt. Clearly blokes need to be kept away from cookers. Salad and tinned fish from hereon until my wife arrives back.
Those big 1 gallon plastic containers of Tomato or Brown sauce, well they melt easily.
I am allowed to BBQ, outside of course.
 
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How hard can it be to change a wheel.......
Peugeot 205 diesel some yrs ago

I tell the wife I'm just nipping out to change a back wheel as I've just spotted a flat tyre.......she puts the kettle on.
I go out to the car, get the wheel nut spanner out of the boot of the car ( this is the one that was supplied with the car when it was new, but the car was 11 yrs old at this time).
Offer it up to the first wheel nut and give it some wellie, but it won't budge so......
I make sure the wheel nut spanner is securely on the wheel nut and then stamp on it......the next phase - just imagine it in slow motion...
I stamp on it, the spanner snaps on the weld where the shaft meets the nut.
All my weight on it as it snaps, and I immediately fall forwards and downwards at "quite a rate of knots"
As this happens I put my hand out to break my fall, and at the same time....
The lever part of the wheel nut spanner hits the ground and then bounce back upwards towards me as I descend at warp factor nine
Unbelievably, the lever somehow manages to fly up my trouser leg, ripping my trousers all the way up to my groin but miraculously does not even scratch my skin.........lucky boy or what!!

I hit the ground quite hard, whacking my chin in the process and bending my wrist back which bloody hurt.

I went back into the house to be met by my wife who was somewhat bewildered as you can imagine.

Eventually I went back out to the car but could not free the wheel nut spanner part from the wheel nut so my neighbour very kindly came over with a heat gun and we were able then to remove it with the assistance of a rubber mallet.

I'm not exactly the Incredible Hulk either, at 5ft 8 and 12 stone.....that spanner must've been weak in the first place.......that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

Steve
 
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Nov 11, 2009
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How hard can it be to change a wheel.......
Peugeot 205 diesel some yrs ago

I tell the wife I'm just nipping out to change a back wheel as I've just spotted a flat tyre.......she puts the kettle on.
I go out to the car, get the wheel nut spanner out of the boot of the car ( this is the one that was supplied with the car when it was new, but the car was 11 yrs old at this time).
Offer it up to the first wheel nut and give it some wellie, but it won't budge so......
I make sure the wheel nut spanner is securely on the wheel nut and then stamp on it......the next phase - just imagine it in slow motion...
I stamp on it, the spanner snaps on the weld where the shaft meets the nut.
All my weight on it as it snaps, and I immediately fall forwards and downwards at "quite a rate of knots"
As this happens I put my hand out to break my fall, and at the same time....
The lever part of the wheel nut spanner hits the ground and then bounce back upwards towards me as I descend at warp factor nine
Unbelievably, the lever somehow manages to fly up my trouser leg, ripping my trousers all the way up to my groin but miraculously does not even scratch my skin.........lucky boy or what!!

I hit the ground quite hard, whacking my chin in the process and bending my wrist back which bloody hurt.

I went back into the house to be met by my wife who was somewhat bewildered as you can imagine.

Eventually I went back out to the car but could not free the wheel nut spanner part from the wheel nut so my neighbour very kindly came over with a heat gun and we were able then to remove it with the assistance of a rubber mallet.

I'm not exactly the Incredible Hulk either, at 5ft 8 and 12 stone.....that spanner must've been weak in the first place.......that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

Steve
I now know why I have telescopic wheel nut wrenches. I bet your tea was stewed as well only adding to your discomfort.
 
Jun 26, 2022
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What on earth was the ice cream van man doing out in a snowfall :LOL:
I have no idea but I'm betting the recent snow meant the kids were out an about , Ka-ching . My brother and i were out there with maybe 12 other kids. But it has tickled my entire family through 3 generations.:D
 
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With my wife away in Turkey I decided to make a bowl of porridge as a change from the normal muesli and seeds. Got the proportion of oats milk and water fine si left it on two minute timer to simmer. Once tge time had sounded I poured the porridge into a bowl. Unusually for me I took a tray from the side of the cooker. After sitting down to eat the porridge the hall smoke detector set off. Strange I thought as I’ve not put the toast on yet. It wouldn’t shut up by blowing and then I smelt smoke. My sense of smell is not good following a head injury some years back. When I turned around a pair of oven gloves that had sat on the tray were well alight. I’d moved them off of the tray onto the top of the hob without turning the burner off if simmer. How am I going to explain to my wife why there are new oven gloves when she arrives home?

Fortunately I didn’t set the boundary fence on fire too. 😱


View attachment 4858
 
Jun 20, 2005
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With my wife away in Turkey I decided to make a bowl of porridge as a change from the normal muesli and seeds. Got the proportion of oats milk and water fine si left it on two minute timer to simmer. Once tge time had sounded I poured the porridge into a bowl. Unusually for me I took a tray from the side of the cooker. After sitting down to eat the porridge the hall smoke detector set off. Strange I thought as I’ve not put the toast on yet. It wouldn’t shut up by blowing and then I smelt smoke. My sense of smell is not good following a head injury some years back. When I turned around a pair of oven gloves that had sat on the tray were well alight. I’d moved them off of the tray onto the top of the hob without turning the burner off if simmer. How am I going to explain to my wife why there are new oven gloves when she arrives home?

Fortunately I didn’t set the boundary fence on fire too. 😱


View attachment 4858
At least your hands weren’t in the gloves🤪.
 
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That's a relief i was beginning to think i was the only one, That's brilliant not that I'm wishing more hazards of the stupid kind on you but as long as you get to laugh about them later all's good.(y)(y):p
 
Nov 11, 2009
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At least your hands weren’t in the gloves🤪.
No more hot meals or cooking for me. I even had to spend 15-20 minutes cleaning the microwave. I’d cooked a chicken breast in a fry pan until it was nicely browned. But being careful with chicken I thought I’d save a bit of time and gas so popped it into the microwave for 2 minutes on 900 watts. It coughed and spluttered which I thought strange. When I took it out it had more or less disintegrated and covered the inside with white chicken fibres. Anyone for pulled chicken? Salad and roll mop herrings tonight no heat required. 😂
 
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Well the new oven gloves have arrived and I’m sure Prof would absolutely approve. They are made in Germany, have detailed user and care label inside each one. And the owners manual cites all of the tests that have or have not been undertaken against each of the EU requirements for CE approval. They aren’t described as oven gloves they are “ protective gloves against thermal risks ( heat and/or fire) PPE conforming to EN407:2020. All for less than £20 and next day delivery.
I think I may be in default of the Storage instructions as they live on a work surface in a very light kitchen. 😱
IMG_2863.jpeg
 
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Well the new oven gloves have arrived and I’m sure Prof would absolutely approve. They are made in Germany, have detailed user and care label inside each one. And the owners manual cites all of the tests that have or have not been undertaken against each of the EU requirements for CE approval. They aren’t described as oven gloves they are “ protective gloves against thermal risks ( heat and/or fire) PPE conforming to EN407:2020. All for less than £20 and next day delivery.
I think I may be in default of the Storage instructions as they live on a work surface in a very light kitchen. 😱
View attachment 4868
For goodness sake don't leave paper lying around like that, it's a fire hazard :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 
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Mrs P and I got on the hus this morning to go into town. I dabbed my bus pass onntgecreader, beep! So I carried on. I heard lots of huffing behind me, turned around and there's Mrs P repeatedly dabbing hers on the reader. After a good few tries the driver, in a very tired voice said
"Try as hard as you like Mrs, but that machine doesn't accept Nectar points " :unsure:
 
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Mrs P and I got on the hus this morning to go into town. I dabbed my bus pass onntgecreader, beep! So I carried on. I heard lots of huffing behind me, turned around and there's Mrs P repeatedly dabbing hers on the reader. After a good few tries the driver, in a very tired voice said
"Try as hard as you like Mrs, but that machine doesn't accept Nectar points " :unsure:
I once tried to get through the security swipe door at work with my bank card (the bank was across the road and I was going to the cashpoint and had bank card in hand). Had a queue behind me "tutting" then realised my pass was around my neck and swiping a visa card wouldn't let me out!
But one morning when I realised I'd left pass at home, cycled past the security guard and waved my Nectar card at him, got my usual cheery "morning" and carried onto work!
 

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Some years back I was doing some work on the engine of a Ford Anglia 105E which involved dropping the sump and taking the head off.

The best way to work on the head was to stand with one foot either side of the front wheel and lean into the engine bay.

Having completed the work and not having any mysterious bits left over I decided to see if the engine would turn over, so I press the starter solenoid. Unfortunately I'd left it in gear and the car jumped onto my left foot.

No one around to witness this fortunately but I'm now trapped and can only move in a less than 90deg arc. Simple solution - press the starter solenoid again - it then rolled off the other side.

No pain or damage. My feet are size 12 now but then that's for both of them so I don't think there's any correlation.
 
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Having completed the work and not having any mysterious bits left over I decided to see if the engine would turn over, so I press the starter solenoid. Unfortunately I'd left it in gear and the car jumped onto my left foot.

No one around to witness this fortunately but I'm now trapped and can only move in a less than 90deg arc. Simple solution - press the starter solenoid again - it then rolled off the other side.

On a similar theme, back in the early 90's, I had to replace a lower ball joint on a 1983 Cavalier for it's MoT. For those not familiar, the lower ball joint connects the lower wishbone to the front strut assembly, the strut applies a downwards pressure while the wishbone provides upwards pressure from the anti-roll bar. Separating the two, I levered the strut upwards and the wishbone down to separate the ball joint, as I did this, the lever slipped and effectively trapped my hand between the strut (pressing downwards) and the wishbone (pressing upwards), I was trapped. With my free hand I levered the strut upwards, but the wishbone followed it, I levered the wishbone downwards but the strut followed it! Eventually my wife heard me shouting and came out to help.

It was a chance in a million accident but it certainly induced some panic.
 
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