how many dancers does it take to change a light bulb.................5.......6......7.....8
i know i know..................groan groan
hgv dave
i know i know..................groan groan
hgv dave
a joke
- Thread starter hgv dave
- Start date
Parksy
Moderator
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb....................................10
1 to change the bulb and 9 to sing sad songs about the old one
1 to change the bulb and 9 to sing sad songs about the old one
How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb ...............................................................0
Klingons are not afraid of the dark !!
Klingons are not afraid of the dark !!
Mel
Moderator
How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb.............................only 1
but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
mel
but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
mel
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?.....................................A fish.
Simon V
Simon V
how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
3................1.to phone for a man to change the bulb and 2 to open the wine
hgv dave
3................1.to phone for a man to change the bulb and 2 to open the wine
hgv dave
Mel
Moderator
How many women with PMT does it take to change a light bulb......ONE...JUST ONE DAMMIT
DO YOU THINK I'M INCOMPETENT?
WELL......DO YOU
mel
DO YOU THINK I'M INCOMPETENT?
WELL......DO YOU
mel
Went to the doctors yesterday,Asked him if he treated alcoholics? he said yes. Good said I,Put your coat on i'm skint...
Wife told me to pack me bags, as she was sick and tired of me being a lazy so and so. I replied, You pack them.......
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Heres one for us Ladies.... How many men does it take to change a loo roll??????...
We don't know, it has never happned!!!!!!
lo
We don't know, it has never happned!!!!!!
lo
Parksy
Moderator
Q :How many Practical Caravan forum members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty
1 to ask the forum how to change a lightbulb
1 to post links to online lightbulb changing instructions
1 to give details of lightbulb association rallies at club based festivals of lanterns
1 to change the lightbulb
3 to write posts about similar light bulb changing experiences
3 to point out that the wrong type of bulbs have been used and that they would have done it differently anyway
3 to complain that light bulbs don't last as long as they did in the old days
3 to point out the inherent dangers involved in the changing of light bulbs
3 to advise that the changing of light bulbs is best left to a qualified lighting engineer
1 moderator to forward email addresses from those interested in learning about lightbulb changing techniques and to calm down heated and protracted disputes about exactly which light bulb should be used.
A: Twenty
1 to ask the forum how to change a lightbulb
1 to post links to online lightbulb changing instructions
1 to give details of lightbulb association rallies at club based festivals of lanterns
1 to change the lightbulb
3 to write posts about similar light bulb changing experiences
3 to point out that the wrong type of bulbs have been used and that they would have done it differently anyway
3 to complain that light bulbs don't last as long as they did in the old days
3 to point out the inherent dangers involved in the changing of light bulbs
3 to advise that the changing of light bulbs is best left to a qualified lighting engineer
1 moderator to forward email addresses from those interested in learning about lightbulb changing techniques and to calm down heated and protracted disputes about exactly which light bulb should be used.
Mel
Moderator
Husband says to wife 'My Olympic condoms have arrived'
'I think I'll wear gold tonight'.
Wife says,
'Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change'.?????
'I think I'll wear gold tonight'.
Wife says,
'Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change'.?????
for the ladies to say to a man
have you seen the bar code on a condom?
let them work it out
hgv dave
have you seen the bar code on a condom?
let them work it out
hgv dave
"Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive..."
Seeing as the Rugby World Cup is near:
The All Blacks were playing Ireland in the RWC final in Auckland. A NZ guy takes his seat in the stand beside an Irish man who has an empty seat beside him. The Kiwi asks the Irishman "How come nobody has taken the seat next to you ?" The Irishman replies "Oh I had two tickets for me and the wife, but she died recently". "Couldn't you have given your wife's ticket to one of your friends ?" said the Kiwi. The Irishman said "Yeah, but there all busy". "What has them all so busy ?" asked the Kiwi. The Irish guy replies "There all at the wife's funeral"
The All Blacks were playing Ireland in the RWC final in Auckland. A NZ guy takes his seat in the stand beside an Irish man who has an empty seat beside him. The Kiwi asks the Irishman "How come nobody has taken the seat next to you ?" The Irishman replies "Oh I had two tickets for me and the wife, but she died recently". "Couldn't you have given your wife's ticket to one of your friends ?" said the Kiwi. The Irishman said "Yeah, but there all busy". "What has them all so busy ?" asked the Kiwi. The Irish guy replies "There all at the wife's funeral"
Old Grandma Speaks in Courtroom
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”
Hopefully this will pass the mods., if not then I apologise:
A lady was just about to be hung and was standing on the trap door when the executioner put the noose around her neck. Prior to pulling the lever he asked her if she had any last requests to which she replied that she would like to be nude when she was hung. Thinking this was strange he granted her request. Prior to actually pulling the lever he complimented her on such a beautiful body to which she replied "It is all yours if you keep your trap shut"
A lady was just about to be hung and was standing on the trap door when the executioner put the noose around her neck. Prior to pulling the lever he asked her if she had any last requests to which she replied that she would like to be nude when she was hung. Thinking this was strange he granted her request. Prior to actually pulling the lever he complimented her on such a beautiful body to which she replied "It is all yours if you keep your trap shut"
How many men with no arms does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just the one....................................but he's got to have the receipt.
With a due nod to Mrs. Warboys.
A: Just the one....................................but he's got to have the receipt.
With a due nod to Mrs. Warboys.
A Devon farmer drove to a neighbours' farmhouse in his Pick up truck , and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad or your mum home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, he went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment...
"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad or your mum home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, he went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment...
"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
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