If you think learning another language is hard..................

Jan 3, 2010
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You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . a new twist!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

1 Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language!

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,

grocers don't groce

and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this...

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'.

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look it UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP! When is rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When is doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!
 
Jun 8, 2010
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Up the workers !!

I like the above - good on yer.

Something akin to a Swiss Army Cheese knife - sorry - Swiss Cheese Army Knife.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
Mar 14, 2005
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How do you define the word "good". The greeting "Good Morning" is subjective. Whilst the person offering the greeting may be full of the joys of spring, the reciprient may have been out the previous evening, had too much to drink and have a thumping headache in the morning - therefore is this a good morning.

Likewise bad, pretty, ugly. etc.
 
Aug 28, 2005
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i took a saw from my garage and started to saw some wood ,and looked up in the sky i saw a bird soaring above above me ,then i caught my finger ,and that felt sore ,

so there you have it colin words spelt differnt but pronounced the same Saw / soar / sore , you have to remember that the English language is mongrel language with many new words being added as the years went by ,the original tongue was the Celtic language ,which is still spoken in wales ,and parts of brittany
 
Mar 14, 2005
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Joby - this is the problem with the English language - as you say it is a mongrel language. When the Vikings, etc. invaded Great Britain they drove the Celts west and north to Ireland, Wales, Devon & Cornwall and Scotland. Devon & Cornwall was once known as South Wales, Cardiff/Swansea area was Mid. Wales and from Brecon northwards was North Wales. The old definition of the Welsh was that we were the Irish who could not swim.
 
Aug 28, 2005
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was it not the Romans that drove the tribes west , i think the last major conflict was the battle of Sedgemoor , also known as the pitchfork rebellion ,when the poor people from Cornwall joined forces with the tribes on the welsh borders under the leader ship of the Duke Monmouth ,in the 16th century , type the the pitchfork rebellion in your web browser
 
Mar 14, 2005
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Most enjoyable - thanks. English is not alone in this sort of confusion. From long ago schooldays i rember a piece of dictation based on words which sounded like 'mere' and which included (the French for) sea, marsh, mayor etc. particularly if pronounced with various regional accents.

And, or coure we have the confusions of cough plow plough bough bow borough burrow - can't be too much fun trying to learn english SHMBO (a dam'Yankee) is still trying after 25 years here.
 
Jan 19, 2008
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The English language is mainly based on a West Germanic language, not Celtic or Gaelic. Over the years Latin and French has been interspersed into English.

The origins of English started with the invaders who were Angles, Saxons and Jutes. It was these people who drove the Celts west.
 
Mar 14, 2005
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The English language is mainly based on a West Germanic language, not Celtic or Gaelic. Over the years Latin and French has been interspersed into English.

The origins of English started with the invaders who were Angles, Saxons and Jutes. It was these people who drove the Celts west.
And the Welsh are the Irish who could not swim
 
Dec 23, 2009
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OMG my head is buzzing. It's all too much. OMG just realised it's my language LOL. God help others trying to learn it (as said in the first post)
 

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