Hello Bopeep,
This tale seems to be continuing without anybody actually doing anything constructive.
Lets lay it out again.
You must get the tow ball's working height measured, because this is the crux of the discussion. Until you know its working height you do not know if it complies with the EU directive or not.
Remember the EU stipulates that the nose weight of any trailer must be a minimum of 25Kg and the maximum is the limit set by the towbar manufacture. The tow ball must settle to within the range of 350 to 420mm with any permissible nose load (i.e. 25kg to top limit) and the car in all loaded configurations within its specified limits.
If it does not comply then then the installation is illegal, and who ever fitted it has acted unlawfully, who ever sold it you has taken your money for something that is legally not fit for purpose as defined by the EU regulations, and that is technically fraud.
I suggest you look at this web page, as it give some very useful and well written advice about UK consumer rights and what to do.
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/how-to-complain
It boils down to the fact that it is the person or organisation that took your money to fit the tow bar is legally obliged to remedy the issue. They can't defer the decision or liability for the matter to any one else out side of your contract– except the courts, but hopefully it should not come to that.
Even though your dealer seems to be still talking to you, realistically there has been no constructive action to resolve the matter. Sometimes these people need to be reminded of their statutory duties to the consumer, and a well informed consumer will invariable not be fobbed off by the retail trades common but illegal practice to refer the matter elsewhere. It is the sellers responsibility I cannot say it enough so It is the sellers responsibility, It is the sellers responsibility,
Talk to Trading Standards, and Consumer Direct – ultimately you may need to engage a solicitor.
Don't forget
It is the sellers responsibility!
By the way, It is the sellers responsibility!!!!