When it all goes wrong!

[cris_408518]

We were sat in a Barcelona bar having lunch today when I got a text from my brother in Devon.

My Dad has been in hospital for some weeks and things have taken a turn for the worse.

Within 15 mins I had booked and paid for Easyjet flight home via internet and laptop connection, I use MSN messenger and a friend was online. His brother inlaw lives near Barclona and within 5 minutes I had a lift to the Airport and a driver for the next week.

I emailed my hotel for Monday night in France and had email confirming changes by the time I got to the airport.

Travelling with a good mobile phone and laptop internet connection paid dividends again.

I was even able to email my mugshot to Jimmy my mates brother inlaw.

Laptop and mobile travelling with you may be a pain, but when things go wrong the internet is hard to beat.

o2 had messed up my account when I left a week or so back, but they have been veryh good and fair.

Smart phone with Email and web to go ( www.webtogo.de )internet

connection was as brilliant as usual today as is the wi-fi connection when near to a "hot spot".

I have to travel with the set-up when I'm caravanning due to the nature of my work. When something goes wrong and you are miles from home the mobile internet set-up has some great uses and benefits.

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Hi Cris I can understand the benifit of the lap top and mobile phone in the unfortunate situation you have recently experienced - how is your dad now - better I hope.

However when I was in work my line manager tried to give me a rap on the knuckles for not taking work home with me for the evening. My response was that I work to live and not live to work. When I go out through the gates I forget about work until I return the following day. My home life is devoted to my wife and family. If my work was not done it was either they were giving me too much and expecting too much from me or I was not pulling my weight. In 25 years of lecturing I never brought marking or preperation work home with me.

Likewise when I am on holiday I have a phone, switched off, and purely for emergency use. My family have the camp site number and can leave a message for me to contact home. I totally divorce myself from the pressures of home and work and don't even think of it.

 

[lolly_5087162]

Hi Cris

Hope your Dad gets better soon

Lolly x

 

[cris_408518]

Thank's guys. Arrived home to empty house last night as my wife had gone to see my Dad.

I will be off later today, sadly he will not get better he has a degenarative illness and had lived with my mother at home until a few weeks ago but now will have to have 24 hour care. My mother is disabled so it is family, doctor and care services pow wow time to do the best for all concerned and try and get two pooly people to understand :-(

Many here probably realise that I am quite mad, but having been brought up by loving strong inteligent hard working parents who had their health taken from them in their 50's I have a sieze the day mentality.

I work for myself Colin for some of the reasons you mention. My health and my families come ten rungs above any employers needs.

As my work is kind of sporadic and kind of seasonal I have to keep in touch all year but often only do about 5 hours a week work wise.

I could have spent hours yesterday trying to make flight bookings and work arrangements via the phone.

As my brother stressed out I was able to fire up the laptop as I finished my lunch and book and pay easyjet online and set alternative arrangements for my work schedule.

On Saturday we had a problem with a spanish security guy when a clients staff had not arrived on site.

My lack of Spanish was overcome by using Babelfish Translator.

My "new" Spanish friend made some calls and opened the gates and we were in and working before the others arrived and my new friend was so impressed he sent out for coffee and food for us.

I guess many on this site are in the same position as me, at an age where you have adult kids and fragile parents and other elderly relatives to care for. Travelling with internet enabled laptop opens a whole spectrum of uses to you if something goes wrongmwhen you are miles from home in a country where you do not speak the language!

 

[lolly_5087162]

Hi Cris

So sorry to hear your Dad's health will not improve - my thoughts are with you.

Lolly x

 

[sparkes]

I used to travel a lot, Ireland, Canada, Germany, USA and others all had to be visited each month. I gave it up when I realised my daughter was 3 and I had missed all the important things.

Family is more important than anything else, unfortunatly I do not feel the same about my parents but my heart goes out to you Cris

Steve

 

[cris_408518]

My dad is one of those that worked from the bottom to the top in his career, he finished at 55 due to poor health!

I had a great childhood living in and travelling to exotic places, Dad would not bow or scrape to anyone and is still friends with the guys he did manual labour work with when he was twenty and with friends in higher social echelons, a great guy big guy like me who is now about 8 stone in weight.

Apart from anything else he gave us our first Caravan, what better gift could anyone here want

 

[Guest]

Cris,

My sympathies to your father. Mine was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 55. He was a bitter about this because he was a non-smoker and the doctors told him he had got it either from passive smoke as he worked as a local government officer, or from the shipyards before the War. Whatever the source he fought the disease for another 9 years and had a few happy summers in France with his motorhome, before he became to ill to drive.

However, I do wish you luck with the social services. From personal experience they give you sympathy, but not much else. You will probably end up doing most of the work yourself, especially if you are looking at residential care. Up here we have a 'free care for the elderly' policy. Well, that is not strictly true as the patient still has to pay for food, and any costs above what the Local Authority give you. In nearly all cases a house sale is still required to meet the total costs. I was sometimes envious of those who bought a large house for the whole family and everybody supported everybody else. In mycase, everyone lived so far apart, Australia etc that this idea was never a starter.

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Hi Cris - my response was not in any way being negative to you, having lost both my parents and my father in law I can appreciate the difficult times. I was brought up to believe that your parents are some of the best friends one can ever have. My response was an attempt in which to prioritise the facts of life regarding health and frienship before all other aspects. You say your father is now in a home - both my parents unfortunately ended up in nursing care, mind you the attention they had could not be faulted, they were given whatever they needed. Since 1999 nursing care is free in so much that the patient looses out on all state and private pensions, etc and the L.A. picks up the remainder of the bill There is no need to sell the family home, especially if your mother still resides there, or use personal savings to pay the fees. Residential care must however be paid for in full by the individual. We fought the L.A. over my mother's care and they eventually agreed that they would pay. The fact that it is free has not been publicised and the government or the L.A. and they will not admit to this as they could be saving money.

I hope the care your father receives will be as good as that given to both my parents and that he will not suffer in the twilight of his years.

 

[cris_408518]

I am still sat at home as the Hospital has MRSA problem so ward is closed so we can do nothing at the moment!

As ill as my Dad is he still knows what he has and resents the fact that he has been very smart with his money and investments and that the government will want him to pay when he has paid for years. Others fritter money away, yet he will have to pay. Or as it is, it seems we will be forced to divulge his wealth to his and my mothers horror.

Thanks for the support Sl. I'm sat like a Lemon after racing home. They want me and my family to make decisions yet can't answer a simple question from a son due to "patient confidentiallity"!

When the powers that be want answers and decisions from us I think I will claim the same and see how we get on. My dad would roar with laughter if he were his old self ;-)

 

[colin(bridgend)]

I am still sat at home as the Hospital has MRSA problem so ward is closed so we can do nothing at the moment!

As ill as my Dad is he still knows what he has and resents the fact that he has been very smart with his money and investments and that the government will want him to pay when he has paid for years. Others fritter money away, yet he will have to pay. Or as it is, it seems we will be forced to divulge his wealth to his and my mothers horror.

Thanks for the support Sl. I'm sat like a Lemon after racing home. They want me and my family to make decisions yet can't answer a simple question from a son due to "patient confidentiallity"!

When the powers that be want answers and decisions from us I think I will claim the same and see how we get on. My dad would roar with laughter if he were his old self ;-)

Cris see my respons above - the cost of nursing care is met by the L.A. after your father's pensions etc. have been handed over. Do not agree to sell the house or use the savings, as you say he has worked hard all his life and saved his money and not squandered it away. He will also be entitled to approx.

 

[Guest]

Colin makes valid points but the fact is that care is a 'postcode' lottery and I have no idea if your LA is one of the good ones or not. The other thing that is important is the standard of care you wish your father to receive. Most people would not hesitate to use whatever money is available in order to make the lifestyle of their dearest better, so if you discover an excellent private home, then go for it.

One other thought is that before you go down the road of resdiential care, have a look and see if there is any possible way you can keep your father in his own home. It is sometimes easier, and usually cheaper to get medical and support care that way, plus the person themselves is happier. If there are a number of siblings living in the area then everyone can assist, without the burden falling on one perosn alone.

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Scotch Lad I was referring to private or L.A. run nursing homes the same law exists. I will be honest my sister in law's father was in a L.A. nursing home and it was brilliant - they even took the folks out for a drink and to the betting shop on the weekend.

The comment you made of trying to keep Cris' father at home is a valid point. there are now many aids available from social services and also help in the form of home care, district nurses, etc. and the thought of being in your own surroundings with your own family is a damn good medicine/tonic for the individual, spouse and family. However the whole family must pull together and not rely on one person to do the brunt of the work and caring.

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

Keep your chin up cris and I hope all goes well for you.

 

[cris_408518]

I'd like to thank you all for your support. I have just been sorting a problem for a friend in OZ and was able to talk face to face. My guys in France had a problem this morning and sent me photo's of the problem they need to overcome from mobile phone.

Problem solved and details emailed back in a few minutes!

Yet dealing with NHS and the whole health crew is a nightmare. Nothing can be done until ward is cleared to open so I'm sat a home still but my poor Dad can't understand why no one has visited him for days!

My folks have never claimed a penny apart from having some VAT free work done by a builder for improved access due to dissability. Father paid for the work and has even bought his own vehicle suited to his and mothers needs.

They were told that a builder could VAT exempt the work but know one at social service etc could tell them or the builders how to go about that. Numerous calls to HM Customs and Excise solved the mystery that the people who should no didn't know how to go about saving the VAT!

You have druggies and alcoholics and plenty of others bleeding the system, but a guy who worked for the Country and served his time in HM forces and has been smart with his money has to tell all in sundrie what he has so to speak.

My folks have a large home suited to both their mobility problems, it makes things easy for the help my father has had recently which he pays the LA/NHS for. What he paid for about nine or ten years ago in preperation for what he and my mum faced through their failing health, counts for nothing it seems!

When at home, those who visit to asses eyes light with glee it seems when they realise the size of the home and that there is money in the bank!

It seems that as his pension and income are still more than many of those that visit from the LA/NHS earn he gets second rate consideration! No one gave it to him, he worked for it!

Care service workers and even the GP's attitudes change when they visit my parents home and realise that the frail old folk are people with money!

I'm not sure what sort of caring society we have but I thought those who were ill would get equal treatment and respect from health care proffesionals.

I can't imagine Lord B or any of our paramedic friends here turning up to an RTA and treating a battered old fiesta driver ahead of a Bentley driver as the guy could pay for help if he lost his leg.

Illness and injuries should be treated on merit and need caused by the condition not by what you have in the bank, and help based on what you need not what you can pay for!

I guess I am blinkered and biassed as someone suggested here, but what the @

 

[Guest]

Cris,

I can empathise with your anger and frustration at the lack of progress with the Social Services. I had to fly back from Saudi at short notice for a similar problem with my mother in 1999. The Psychiatrist told us he thought my mother had Alzheimers, but wasn't sure. We suggested she was just getting old and forgetful, but this was not seemingly acceptable to the boffins. Howver, it was very much a case of 'what were we going to do about it' and as I worked in Saudi that was interesting to say the least. After my mother spent some weeks in a hospital, no treatment was given, we managed to find her a place in a very good Nursing Home,