Baby Joke (Might not get away with this one)

Jun 7, 2005
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a

surrogate father to start their family..

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife

goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half

an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened

to ring the doorbell! , hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...'

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been

expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you

know babies are my speciality?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a


After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the

couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room

floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and


"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we

try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,

I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be

in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with


"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his

baby pictures. "! This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her

mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the

job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a

good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.

The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly

concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had

to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,

um.. Equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod

and we can get to work right away."


"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much

too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted
Mar 14, 2005
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This reminds me of another joke. Old but good.

A 93 year old man gets married to a 24 year old. Several months pass, and she is still not pregnant. He goes to the doctor and explains that they are having trouble conceiving. The doctor runs some tests, and at the end advises the man that the only thing he can do is get a lodger.

Six months later, the old man returns to the doctor. "Your advice worked", he says; "my wife is pregnant".

"That's great news", says the doctor. "And how is the lodger?"

"She's pregnant as well".
Mar 14, 2005
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There is also the old joke where an elderly chap goes to the doctor complaining that he wants his sex drive lowered. The doctor examines him and asks his age to which the old gent replies I will be 82 next birthday.

The doctor tells him at his age sex is all in the mind to which the old gent replies "That's the trouble doctor it is in my mind but I want it lowered".
Mar 14, 2005
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I am reminded of another "old man" joke.

A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody."


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