Best Headlines of 05

Mar 14, 2005
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

[not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails;

Veterinarian Takes Over

[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[no-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.

[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked

to Temperatures

[who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police

Suspect Homicide

[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds

Up New Bridges

[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

[he probably IS the battery charge!]

Astronaut Takes

Blame for Gas

in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Local High School

Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued

by 7 Foot Doctors

[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through

Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

[Did I read that sign right?]
Mar 14, 2005
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All very good but I think they have to go a long way to beat the headline to cover the story of a monkey who upset a table tennis competion in China a few years ago which read;

King Kong Ding Dong in Hong Kong Ping Pong!


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