Chav Nativity Play

Mar 21, 2005
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There's this bird called Mary, yeah?. She's a virgin (wossat then?). She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?. He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like "Oo ya lookin at?". Gabriel just goes "You got one up the duff, you have". Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large "Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no

Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!"

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like "Orright Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get." Mary goes "Yeah, s'pose you're right". Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey an' go dahn Beflehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?, to have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit?. So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like "Respect bay-bee Jesus" an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: "If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh?. Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?" It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like "The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt." Joe goes "You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey". Gabriel sez, "Suit yerself, pal, but its your lookout if you stay." So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

APPY CRIMBO
 
Jan 19, 2008
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OK Janey, you started me off so if I get into trouble from one of my politically correct online friends in this forum its your fault :OP

What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav?

Fathers Day!

What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house?

The burglar.

What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?

The bride.

What do you say to a chav at work?

Can i have a big mac please?

What do chavs use as protection during sex?

A bus shelter!

If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to run him

over?

It might be your bike.

What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?

"What you lookin' at?"

What do you call a chav with half a brain?

Gifted.

What do you call chavs with a brain?

A crowd.

A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,

"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

What's the difference between a Chav girl and the Grand Old Duke of York?

The Grand Old Duke of York only had ten thousand men...
 

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