Lolly hope this helps

Nov 2, 2005
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I just received these on my email. by the way I've put a post on overseas, with all this time on your hands can you offer any help????

The 1st Affair


> A married man was having an affair

> with his secretary.

> One day they went to her place

> and made love all afternoon.

> Exhausted, they fell asleep

> and woke up at 8 PM.

> The man hurriedly dressed

> and told his lover to take his shoes

> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

> He put on his shoes and drove home.

> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

> "I can't lie to you," he replied,

> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.

> We had sex all afternoon."

> She looked down at his shoes and said:

> "You lying b*****d!

> You've been playing golf!"


> The 2nd Affair


> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

> but always talked about having a son.

> They decided to try one last time

> for the son they always wanted.

> The wife got pregnant

> and delivered a healthy baby boy.

> The joyful father rushed to the nursery

> to see his new son.

> He was horrified

> at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.

> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been

> fooling around behind my back?"

> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

> "Not this time!"


> The 3rd Affair


> A mortician was working late one night.

> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

> about to be cremated,

> and made a startling discovery.

> Schwartz had the largest private part

> he had ever seen!

> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician

> commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated

> with such an impressive private part.

> It must be saved for posterity."

> So, he removed it,

> stuffed it into his briefcase,

> and took it home

> "I have something to show

> you won't believe," he said to his wife,

> opening his briefcase.

> "My God!" the wife exclaimed,

> "Schwartz is dead!"


> The 4th Affair


> A woman was in bed with her lover

> when she heard her husband

> opening the front door.

> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

> She rubbed baby oil all over him,

> then dusted him with talcum powder.

> "Don't move until I tell you,"

> she said, " pretend you're a statue."

> "What's this?" the husband inquired

> as he entered the room.

> "Oh it's a statue," she replied,

> "the Smiths bought one and I liked it

> so I got one for us, too."

> No more was said,

> not even when they went to bed.

> Around 2 AM the husband got up,

> went to the kitchen and returned

> with a sandwich and a beer.

> "Here," he said to the statue, have this.

> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

> and nobody offered me a damned thing."


> The 5th Affair


> A man walked into a cafe,

> went to the bar and ordered a beer.

> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."

> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.

> He glanced at the menu and asked:

> "How much for a nice juicy steak

> and a bottle of wine?"

> "A nickel," the barman replied.

> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.

> "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

> The bartender replied:

> "Upstairs, with my wife."

> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs

> with your wife?"

> The bartender replied:

> "The same thing

> I'm doing to his business down here."




> The 6th Affair


> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

> He looked up and said weakly:

> "I have something I must confess."

> "There's no need to, " his wife replied.

> "No," he insisted,

> "I want to die in peace.

> I slept with your sister, your best friend,

> her best friend, and your mother!"

> "I know," she replied,

> " now just rest

> and let the poison work."



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Jan 19, 2008
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Smiley or anyone come to that, if you want to get rid of all those ⇨ in emails before sending it on to someone else go to this page - - and download it. Its free and very easy to use.


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