New dictionary definitions

[KenWashington]

HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE THAT?

A new dictionary from the men behind Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue gives definitions for what words should mean. Here's a selection:

Artefact:

Pretentious statistic

Bidet:

Two days before D-Day

Bigamist:

Larger-than-usual fog. Cahsstit: Wide range of available taxis

Fiasco:

Bad wall painting

Jigsaw:

Chafing that affects the cast of Riverdance.

Myth:

Female moth.

Quadrant:

Four people shouting

Telepathy:

When you can't be bothered to change TV channels

Zebra:

The largest size of support garment

 

[Lol1]

There's a Radio 4? Didn't think there was anything after Chris Moyles in the morning....

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are...

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Pokemon 👎, A Jamaican proctologist.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that; when you die your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.