Nursery Rhymes for the Future !

[bigbilly]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh sh*t, it's Global Warming.

Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its a**e

and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

and grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

 

[Robert_374242026]

It was lovely to hear my wife laughing whilst doing the washing.Well done.

 

[Chaps]

Here are some more....

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and everywhere that Mary went

the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

'twas split right up the front

...But she didn't wear that one often.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

'What have u got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon

Pies you d!ckhead.

Jack and Jill

went up the hill

to have a little fun.

Jill, the dill,

forgot her pill,

and now they have a son.

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Mary had a little lamb

It's foot as black as soot

And into Mary's pot of jam

His sooty foot he put

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a bear

I've often seen her little lamb

But I've never seen her bear.

Hickory dickory dock

Three mice ran up the clock

The clock struck one

And the other two escaped with minor cuts and bruising

Hickory dickory dock

Three mice ran up the clock

The clock struck

And the mice came out in support.

 

[LizCornwall]

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear;

Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair,

If Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair then

Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he?

Popeye the sailor man,

lived in a garbage can,

Ate all the worms and spat out the germs;

He is Popeye the sailor man.

I love you

I love you

I love you divine

give me your bubblegum

cause your sitting on mine!

 

[mistermac]

The long winter evenings are just flying by......

 

[Bungee]

four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie,

and when the pie was opened

a shrivelled blackbird sat

saying alright lads a jokes a joke

what rotten S*D did that.