Went out to clear the car windscreen this morning from frost, had to use my discount card for the supermarket, only got 10% off.
One liners, Humour
- Thread starter Hutch
- Start date
If you want to drive your wife crazy in bed, don't talk in your sleep just smile.
If you want your wife to pay attention to you. Talk in your sleep.
If you want your wife to pay attention to you. Talk in your sleep.
I did last night..she gave me a massive nudge and told me to shut up!!!
Or was I snoring, dont know as I was asleep!!
What information is there in every Skoda handbook ? A bus timetable.
What do you call someone who dances on cars.? A Morris dancer
What do you call someone who dances on cars.? A Morris dancer
If a man says something and there's not a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
What do you call a Skoda with a sunroof..................A skip.
Moderator Note: The comment which brought religion into the mix has been removed.
Moderator Note: The comment which brought religion into the mix has been removed.
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Lady wanted to post a funeral notice. What is it said the agent. “ Fred has died”. Oh it has to be six words or longer said the agent. Okay replied the lady. “ Fred has died. Volvo for sale “
Man phoned local paper and said"I want to place an advert,how much will it cost"?
Man at local paper said...."Its a pound an inch".
Man said"Jesus.....I've got a fourty foot ladder for sale"
Man at local paper said...."Its a pound an inch".
Man said"Jesus.....I've got a fourty foot ladder for sale"
"Does this uniform make me look fat?"
Asked the insecurity guard.
“What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.”
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”
“I just found out that I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.”
“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”
“Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before they open their mouth.”
Asked the insecurity guard.
“What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.”
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”
“I just found out that I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.”
“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”
“Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before they open their mouth.”
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The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out
Day 121 isolating at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario
Day 121 isolating at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario
What do you call a line of men outside a hairdressers.
A barberqueue.
A barberqueue.
Wife said to me tonight, do you want a stir fry chicken , or we have frozen fish in the Frezzer.
I was between a Wok and a Hard Plaice.
I was between a Wok and a Hard Plaice.
As the owner once of a Skoda Estelle 105 I am mightily offended. We did 75k in that car, and when living in Cumbria it tackled every one of the passes without a problem to us. Mind you the following motorists were frustrated by its snail like progress.
Did you hear about the dinner lady who got an electric shock? She stood on a bun and a current ran up her leg.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol
If you cross a dog with a girraffe, you get an animal that barks at low flying aircraft.
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Feeding cable into caravan for 5G antenna while parked up only
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