One liners, Humour

Nov 16, 2015
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If you want to drive your wife crazy in bed, don't talk in your sleep just smile.

If you want your wife to pay attention to you. Talk in your sleep.
 
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Nov 16, 2015
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What information is there in every Skoda handbook ? A bus timetable.

What do you call someone who dances on cars.? A Morris dancer
 
May 24, 2014
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What do you call a Skoda with a sunroof..................A skip.

Moderator Note: The comment which brought religion into the mix has been removed.
 
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Nov 11, 2009
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Lady wanted to post a funeral notice. What is it said the agent. “ Fred has died”. Oh it has to be six words or longer said the agent. Okay replied the lady. “ Fred has died. Volvo for sale “
 
Jul 30, 2007
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Man phoned local paper and said"I want to place an advert,how much will it cost"?

Man at local paper said...."Its a pound an inch".

Man said"Jesus.....I've got a fourty foot ladder for sale"
 
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May 24, 2014
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"Does this uniform make me look fat?"
Asked the insecurity guard.

“What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”

“I just found out that I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.”

“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”

“Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before they open their mouth.”
 
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May 24, 2014
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The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out

Day 121 isolating at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario
 
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Nov 11, 2009
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Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

I hate static caravans. Every time I put my key in the door, my hair sticks up
 
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Nov 11, 2009
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How do you double the prise of a Skoda? --------Renew the exhaust.
As the owner once of a Skoda Estelle 105 I am mightily offended. We did 75k in that car, and when living in Cumbria it tackled every one of the passes without a problem to us. Mind you the following motorists were frustrated by its snail like progress.
 
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