Qantas pilots gripe sheet !

May 4, 2005
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After every flight, Qantas fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which

tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the

problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe

sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a

sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked

with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an

accident. ... Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on

something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget
 

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