Think I'd rip all the alloy from it... Go weigh it in whilst alloy prices are high. Tear all the guts out, have a big bonfire then tow the chassis and weigh that in too. Although that won't be worth much with tyres on.
Take it to Simms Metal Merchants, they are at the Bristol end of the M32, or they have a yard at Avonmouth just off St Andrews road, drive on the weighbridge and then drive off, get paid and then drive away.
Advertise it autotrader, give your address it will mysteriously disappear overnight on the back of a white Transit flatbed with an orange light.... Me Sor? No Sor! Never been there in me loife Sor! HE HE
No need to resort to the matches - leave it in Morrison's with a cheap hitch lock on. It will vanish before you can say, 'There are no thieves in Tipperary".