Why men shouldn't be agony 'uncles'

[LMH]

Letter from distraught writer to male advice columnist:

Dear Bill:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my makeup.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Norma

Dear Norma:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Bill

 

[Bri-C]

Hi.

I can see exactly what you mean! It's clear to me that this Bill is indeed a total incompetent.....

Very few cars have a carburetor these days....

 

[Parksy]

Norma should have written to that nice Uncle Brakewynde

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Don't be silly Steve - he hasn't a clue about cars and as for marraige problems and cross dressing he has his chaimber/milk maids to sort that out for him.

 

[Guest]

Look on the bright side, he would ahve been well prepared if the fan belt had broken???

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Iam afraid you are wrong there SL as his maids are like Boy Scouts - Be Prepared - they dont wear stockings and underwaer whilst he is around. The were the original Martini girls - any time, any place, any where.

 

[Guest]

Oh b....r. Mind you have you ever tried to get a stocking tight enough to ever work? The knot keeps coming slack. Ok, showing my age.

 

[Parksy]

We know that Lord B travels using steam power or wind power, but its been said that he has a very powerful four in hand :0)

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

Oh b....r. Mind you have you ever tried to get a stocking tight enough to ever work? The knot keeps coming slack. Ok, showing my age.

Hmmmm stockings :O) and suspenders :O) hehheh! happy days.

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Steve I must now ask how is that steam and wind generated - the mind boggles hehehe. I wonder if Lady B. knows about his four in hand?

 

[colin(bridgend)]

The stocking top - oh memories - also known as the giggle line as when you reached this far you're laughing.

 

[Guest]

Those glorious days. I do remember arriving to pick up my girlfriends (now my wife) in a Minivan with a mattress in the back. She refused to believe I had been carrying a spare engine for another car on it??? However, it did not stop her.......?

 

[Guest]

Those glorious days. I do remember arriving to pick up my girlfriends (now my wife) in a Minivan with a mattress in the back. She refused to believe I had been carrying a spare engine for another car on it??? However, it did not stop her.......?

Should state 'girlfriend' singular. I was never that good.

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

..... anyway, vans been serviced. I hoovered and dusted it out this afternoon and also washed and polished it with my car so everything is looking ***** and span for my treacherous trip through the badlands to Tywyn in the morning. The idea is to watch the sheeps actions on the hills to give away if any of the local tribes are on the warpath. If the sheep look nervous I hit the throttle. Keep any contentious posts until I get back else I wont get to see them.

I'll be away for 9 days, I do hope Frankie can manage without me that long ;O) Hold the fort for me Plotter until I get back ... hehheh!

 

[colin(bridgend)]

I also had a minivan but instead of a mattress there was a carpet, a few blankets and then an old eiderdown. One night it took me over two hours to get from the Avan Lido to Baglan (a distance of approx. 4 miles). Oh happy days. If only I could turn the clock back but know what I know now. Incidently this was before I met the wife.

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

The stocking top - oh memories - also known as the giggle line as when you reached this far you're laughing.

I wasn't laughing, I was shaking with excitement.

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Have a great holiday Lord B. and joking aside, there will always be a welcome for you in the Principality. We are all a friendly race of people and you will find there will be a heart as big as gold where ever you should go. Have a great time sir.

 

[Parksy]

Steve I must now ask how is that steam and wind generated - the mind boggles hehehe. I wonder if Lady B. knows about his four in hand?

I'm reliably informed that the generation process involves a lot of 'hot air', but I couldn't possibly comment in public.

 

[Parksy]

Have a lovely holiday Lord and Lady B. But remember those old time ***** movies if you sit outside your awning during the evening. When those drums stop beating , and it falls silent....

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

Have a lovely holiday Lord and Lady B. But remember those old time ***** movies if you sit outside your awning during the evening. When those drums stop beating , and it falls silent....

Ahhhhh that's not too serious when that happens Steve. That means the Druids are packing up for the night and retiring to the local hostelry :O)

 

[Parksy]

Ahhhhh that's not too serious when that happens Steve. That means the Druids are packing up for the night and retiring to the local hostelry :O)

Is it true that Druids get up at the crack of Dawn?

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

Alls well with the world, woke early, broke wind and now sat having my oats as the skies lighten. Thought I'd get an early start because the natives don't wake early and it will make it easier passing through the Badlands.

Saw a nasty incident yesterday evening though, a van in front of me ran over a kitten. It wasn't nice to see it squirming in the road, even worse when the owner and her child came out and saw it. I stopped but it had massive head injuries and died within 30 seconds.

I had my own dog in the back of the car and after picking Her Ladyship up was going to the vets for the dogs updates. I offered to take the body to the vets to see if they could dispose of it which the owner agreed to.

Nothings so simple though, I had to go back to the house and ask if they could ring the vets to give them permission to dispose of the poor little thing.

I'm not a cat lover but I can't be cruel to animals. I could better explain it by saying I like all animals, including cats, but I prefer not to have cats living by me dumping in my garden and killing the wildlife.

Anyway, rant over, toodlepip, Tywyn here we come :O)

p.s. Hope you Moddyships have some peace over the next 9 days.