Another joke for today

[Gary-Yorks]

A lecture was being held at Swansea University on the subject of the spiritual world and ghosts..

The lecturer asks the students who believes in ghosts,half of them raise there hands,he then asks how many have seen a ghost,30% raise a hand.

He then asks how many have made love to a ghost,with that a chair scrapes at the back of the hall and Alun from the valleys walks to the front.The lecturer then says to Alun so you have made love to a ghost,to which Alun replies ghosts i thought you said GOATS!!

 

[Guest]

Two heroin addicts injected themselves with curry powder by mistake and are now both in intensive care,

One has a dodgy Tikka,

the other is in a Korma!

 

[Guest]

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken and is good with children."

The next-door neighbour protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Gary - was Alun a Yorkshire man by any chance?

 

[Guest]

Cemetery Humour.

Harry Edsel Smith of St Albans Herts.:

Born 1903--Died 1942.

Looked up the lift shaft to see if the

lift was on the way down. It was.

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In a Yatton Somerset, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no

place to go.

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On the grave of Jobe Aikle in

East Dulwich Cemetery , London:

Here lies Jobe Aikle, Age 102.

Only the Good Die Young.

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In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid

but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

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In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread, and

the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace

wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.

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In a Rainham, Kent, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon me for not rising.

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In a Birmingham England, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.

Stepped on the accelerator instead of the brake.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England :

Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer,

and that is Strange.

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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:

If cash thou art in want of any,

dig six feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

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In a Hartscombe, England cemetery:

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went

out of tune.

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Anna Hopewell's grave in Devon England,

Here lies the body of our Anna,

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

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On a grave from the 1880s in Epping London:

Under the sod and under the trees,

lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod.

Pease shelled out and went to God.

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In a cemetery in England :

Remember man, as you walk by,

as you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, so shall you be.

Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing

on the tombstone:

To follow you, I'll not consent

for I know not which way you went.

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Also on a grave of a spinster sub postmistress "..... like her mail, returned unopen".

 

[Gary-Yorks]

I don,t think so........

 

[colin(bridgend)]

A woman went to the police crying her eyes out complaining that she had been graped. The police calmed her down and asked her does she mean raped? She replied no there was a bunch of them.

 

[Jeff-Pontypridd]

Why did the baker have brown fingers?

He needed a poo!

(no follow ups about Picasso!)