Unfortunately I don't think the moderators can 'close' a topic. This forum software appears to be more of the James Watt stream driven type - and only deletions or removal of the whole topic can be done by the moderators.
I would have thought that this is just 'boys arguing the toss'.
Perhaps, as a lady who tows, I could say that towing with a well-matched outfit is just like a comfy bra - you don't know it's there if it's a good fit! That might turn their thoughts to more interesting 'figures' than figures of speech!