Had some not so Good news,

[Diane1]

As some of you might know, I gave up smoking a few a while back as my Dad was very ill and i did not want to end up like that at 65. Unfortunately He lost his fight and passed away yesterday. I feel a little guilty as i was not with him, as we were travelling back from Devon at the time and my sister and 2 brothers, did not feel the need to get in touch and say he had taken a turn for the worse.

Mr. Moderator if you feel the need to delete this post then be my guest, I just felt the need to tell some one about it and how i feel.

Thanks for listening,

Diane

 

[LMH]

Hi Diane

I am so sorry to hear about your dad, my condolences to you and your family.

Please don't feel guilty that you wern't with him in his final hours. I am sure your family were only thinking about you when they didn't get in touch to tell you he had taken a turn for the worse. I am sure my family would have done the same. Please don't beat yourself up about that. Easy for me to say though.

Having lost my dad at 62, I know exactly how you feel at the moment.

Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[BeemerMal]

I know it is pointless saying don't feel bad about it Dianne because you do. All anyone can say I'm sure he knew your love was with him to the end. Think of all the good times and don't blame your brother and Sister, it will do no good.

I lost my Dad to a massive Heart attack on New Years Eve (many years ago) I was over 200 miles away when it happened and because I had been celebrating the new year (I could not drive after having a drink) Therefore I could not get up to be with my Mum until the following day. I felt terrible about that as well.

 

[lolly_5087162]

God Bless you and your Family Diane

Our thoughts are with you at this time

Love Lolly and family x

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

Sorry to hear about your loss :O(

I'm sure most families would have done the same as yours did Diane.

At least he's at peace now with no suffering. Just be positive and remember the good times, I'm sure that's how your father would want you to remember him :O)

 

[Moderator2_5083849]

Diane, my deepest sympathy at this very sad time.

I am sure that the reason for not being told about the downturn in your dad's condition was to keep you safe and not try rushing back on the roads, when it would probably have been to late anyway.

My dad only went out for a morning paper and never came back, so I know how you must be feeling.

Celebrate his life, dont dwell on what may have been.

My thoughts are with you , and thank you for sharing such a personal sadness with the forum.

Mod 2

 

[Diane1]

All i can say at this momment thank you all for being so kind.

Diane x

 

[Parksy]

We have never met,or spoken in person but please accept our condolences at this sad time. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Carole & Steve

 

[ThePlotter]

Diane,I am so sorry to hear your very sad news especially when I am celebrating good news.It is never easy at these times,and I understand how you will be feeling as my mother passed away just two years ago when we were in the Dordogne in France.

Keep your chin up and keep of the cigs.

 

[emmerson2]

Diane, just relive the memories.They'll always be there.

 

[Mel]

Diane, Death is but an horizon, and an horizon but the limit of our sight.

Thoughts and prayers

Mel

 

[ValA.]

I am sorry to hear about your mum, Diane. My mum who is 83 and very disabled by COPD resulting from almost 60 years smoking is currently in hospital, and has been very ill indeed. Her sister was shocked by how her condition had deteriorated. Yesterday we sat all afternoon, and she didn't know we were there. Today she's picked up again. However, we're due to go on holiday on Friday, and almost dreading it. We so need the holiday - I've spent the last year caring for her at home, in her increasing dependance - and my partner is working so hard at the moment! She's told us that we've got to go and not give her a thought - but it's very difficult to do. My brother and sister will be there to visit, as will her sister and neighbours. She's so strong-willed, and despite her physical frailness somehow manages to fight another day! Still it's going to be hard to go away and just leave her in hospital.

 

[Diane1]

Val, go on your holiday you need a rest. To every one thankyou for your kind words of support, just need to get through the funeral now.

 

[ValA.]

Diane, we did go - but had car problems half way down the A1 on Friday evening, requiring us to buy a part the next morning. We decided the best thing was to stay overnight with my sister, and source the part from the Ford dealerships around St Albans, then take a ferry on Saturday. This was obviously fate, because at 6.30 am on Saturday my brother telephoned to say my mum died peacefully in her sleep at 4.02 in the morning! Needless to say we've come straight back - but are in limbo now because we can't do anything about funeral arrangements until Tuesday because of the bank holiday. Pleased to say my mum was cheerful right to the end, and joking with my son who came up on Thursday to see us, about his scruffy beard!

 

[Chrissylizzie]

Fate indeed Valerie, it does make you wonder. I am glad you have happy memories of your Mother's last days as in the future this will bring you much confort. My mum died 10 years ago and I still miss her, but your good memories will help you through.

Sincere thoughts

Chris

 

[Diane1]

Val, sorry for not getting back to you, but Dads funeral was Friday and have been away for the weekend.

Let me start by saying how very sorry i am about your mum. I know you feel totaly in limbo at the mo, but as soon as things start to happen they happen so quickly.

For me i can truely say that i did not grieve properly until it was all over and Adrian and i were away. You must make time for yourself when its all over Val, So you can go through all your memories and put your self in the right place.

I am thinking of you and if you fancy a chat or shoulder give me a shout and i will give you my email.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Diane.

 

[AnnM1]

Diane

My thoughts are with you and your family. However, feel, guilty if you want. It is all part of the healing process.

Guilt

Anger

Distrust

Depression

You really have to go through all this and so much more, before you can begin to feel better.

However, remember the really great times you had together and also that your dad wouldn't have wanted you to feel so badly. But, as I said, it is all a healing process. You just need TIME!

 

[AnnM1]

Sorry, Valerie, I missed you out of my reply. However, the same goes for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure you will work things through although it might take some time.

The poem "The next Room" comes to mind.

Ann

 

[Diane1]

Ann, Thank you.

My Dad has had heart problems for the best part of 24 years, about 5 years ago we lost mum at the age of 59. Dad hads health detoriated rapidly, after that as did his mentel health. About three years ago his lung colapsed and we nearly lost him then.

Three months ago we were told he only had a mater of time as his kidneys had given up, his heart valve replacements were leaking and he was diagnosed with lung cancer.

I feel like i have been greiveing for the last 3 years. So i did need my time away with my hubby this weekend as i feel like we have had some closure.

Thanks again for all your sympathy, it was very much apprieciated

 

[ValA.]

Thanks everyone - just trying to keep busy at the moment, and finding distractions! Can't arrange anything yet, due to Council holidays including a bank-holiday Tuesday! (No registrar, etc until tomorrow).

Like you we're hoping to actually get away once everything is over - and find time just to be on our own and put everything into place!

 

[Viking1]

Hi Diane

Sorry to hear of your lost.

I lost my mum at 44 to cancer it is now other 13 year.

Mark

 

[Diane1]

Mark, its really hard losing a parent at any age, you just expect them to always be there.

I don't know which is worse, to watch them sufer and waste away or to lose them in a blink of an eye.

Thanks for your kind words Mark.

 

[Viking1]

Mark, its really hard losing a parent at any age, you just expect them to always be there.

I don't know which is worse, to watch them sufer and waste away or to lose them in a blink of an eye.

Thanks for your kind words Mark.

Hi Diane my mum had been suffer for other three year but it dose not mater how long as it still takes it out of you but you just do not now at the time and it is hard.

I all so had a step mum as well who had cancer as well she had it in her one brest and they had to take one off and it seem ok for other 20 year but it came back and they found out to late and she suffered rely bad in the last mouth.

Some time I still thick of thing with my mum as her boyfriend started to see other girls with in week havter she had past a way and he just seem to be try to be in it for the money.

It dose help to say things at time to other as it help you get other thing and some time you will find your self thick of thing as well but just thick of the good time you had together as that help a lot.

Saying this now still makes me think of things now and there still a lot that I not told people how things were at the time

Mark

 

[Diane1]

Hi Diane my mum had been suffer for other three year but it dose not mater how long as it still takes it out of you but you just do not now at the time and it is hard.

I all so had a step mum as well who had cancer as well she had it in her one brest and they had to take one off and it seem ok for other 20 year but it came back and they found out to late and she suffered rely bad in the last mouth.

Some time I still thick of thing with my mum as her boyfriend started to see other girls with in week havter she had past a way and he just seem to be try to be in it for the money.

It dose help to say things at time to other as it help you get other thing and some time you will find your self thick of thing as well but just thick of the good time you had together as that help a lot.

Saying this now still makes me think of things now and there still a lot that I not told people how things were at the time

Mark

I know how you feel Mark and i must admit i was a cow to Ade, but he is my rock and got me through last week. Sometimes he still says the wrong thing and i just shout at him, but haveing lost both his parents to he understands.

No one can understand what it like unless you have been through it.

Godbless you mark, we all have our special happy memories.

Regards Diane