oh where oh where has everyone gone = Smiley

[colin(bridgend)]

Lisa - second joke

The Milk Bath & The Blonde

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?' The blonde said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'

The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?'(YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.... )

The blonde said, 'No, just up to my t**s. I can splash it on my eyes.'

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Lisa - free medical advice

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering

vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is

distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a

regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger

stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

[Guest]

Anyway, whatever the **** it is if it makes you happy you want more

Did you try and put a rude word in there? you'll get a slap on your bum off the chief mod

 

[cara89]

Jokes very funny but i think it was `banter` folk wanted too

 

[ThePlotter]

I am still here Lisa

 

[ThePlotter]

I might even resurrect Smokaloo PLC

 

[LMH]

Yes, I can see you are here Plotter, however this'll be the last reply I make to you as I was informed of the snide remark you made about me on another forum.

Lisa

 

[hasbo]

come on then lisa what did he say & what did you do to be called that...if its rude & naughty can you say it with a french accent...c&p

 

[LMH]

Sorry, the matter is closed now.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it.

Lisa

 

[colin(bridgend)]

As I like to call meyself a friend of both Lisa and Plotter I think the best thing to do is to let the problem rest. I do not know what was said and I also do not wish to know - the matter in my opinion is personal between the two individuals and should remain so.

 

[LMH]

As I like to call meyself a friend of both Lisa and Plotter I think the best thing to do is to let the problem rest. I do not know what was said and I also do not wish to know - the matter in my opinion is personal between the two individuals and should remain so.

Thank you Colin for your wise words. You are perfectly correct.

Lisa xx

 

[ThePlotter]

I dont recall making any comment about you Lisa maybe whoever told you got it wrong

 

[Parksy]

Lisa mentioned that there has been a change in this forum with less banter and that many of the old forum members no longer post.

At one stage we had daily links to the Daily Mail or Daily Express with loads of moral outrage being posted which led to many arguments.

The hosts of the forum then shelved the upgrade which had long been promised. This forum can be difficult to moderate effectively so the mods started to delete any newspaper blood and guts political topics.

Not surprisingly most of the regular forum users who enjoyed a good argument left and now use other forums. These forums have good up to date software and contentious subjects can be effectively managed and moderated if necessary.

When Lisa's topic about the police taser incident was submitted I guessed that there would be opposing views but I hoped that this forum had calmed down enough so that a debate might take place without rancour or insult.

Sadly I was wrong.

I have now deleted the entire topic and it will not re appear in any shape or form on this forum.

It would appear that some subjects remain unsuitable for discussion on this particular forum which is why we are mainly a question and answer forum these days.

 

[Guest]

Sorry for my part Parksy, but if you and your fellow mods let people troll the forum with video and comments that started the excluded thread your as much to blame.

Comment and fearce dabate is one thing, video of somebody being basicly electrocuted twice and punched on the ground is not to my taste and even less so with the 'P___le' involved

 

[LMH]

There must have been some comments made after 7.30pm which was the last time I logged onto this forum (or thereabouts).

Excuse me for being a bit dim but is euro calling me a troll??????????

Anyway, there's other things going on in this country too which, in my humble opinion is 100% worse that the taser incident, like the horrendous goings on at that nursery.

I make no apologies for starting a thread about the taser incident and I make no apologies for any of the posts I made on that thread.

I support the majority of replies made on that thread bar some in which the police were referred to as a farm animal.

I posted the thread in 'chit-chat' which is a non caravan related area.

Remind me euro, how is cris these days?

Lisa

 

[Parksy]

Sorry for my part Parksy, but if you and your fellow mods let people troll the forum with video and comments that started the excluded thread your as much to blame.

Comment and fearce dabate is one thing, video of somebody being basicly electrocuted twice and punched on the ground is not to my taste and even less so with the 'P___le' involved

The debate which I'd vainly hoped would be conducted in a balanced and polite way is now closed.

 

[Parksy]

As I wrote earlier Lisa, some subjects don't lend themselves to debate on this forum. Things quickly escalate and we can't lock topics or move them to other parts of the forum where those looking in and perhaps posting for the first time don't see them.

We have two options, on or off so when rancour starts to appear in posts as it had the contentious topics are off.

The taser / police topic is now closed.

 

[Guest]

"Trolling - controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum"

If the start of the taboo thread did not score 10/10 on the above when this is a caravan forum then I'm a Dutchman.

VERY sorry if 'Trolling' offends you LMH, maybe you were just a little naive yesterday re the subject matter and your comment OK-ing it.

It was just unsuitable subject / viewing for a caravan forum to me.

 

[Parksy]

This is getting a bit silly now.

I don't know if there is animosity between euro and Lisa but if there is then please conduct it elsewhere.

I don't want to start to delete things yet again but I will if I have to.

Kindly agree to disagree or just ignore one another

 

[johnwendy]

Forums like this are great for practical questions and answers about caravanning, but there are bound to be differences when it comes down to a more personal level. We're not all the same and we're all entitled to hold our own opinions based on experience.

I think it's a shame when people who enjoy an arguement or debate forget that not everyone wants to see that in the usual sections. One persons idea of banter can also be anothers rudeness or sarcasm too, so a bit of thought when replying to newbies (so as not to scare them off) might be a good idea occasionally lol!

You all seem like nice people and maybe a count to ten or reading the post back to see if it could be taken the wrong way could help.

I'm fairly new to this myself and I don't want to put anyones back up, but please don't let the forum go the same as so many others you see on the internet!

Wendy

 

[Surfer]

Probably my fault that the taser topic got closed, but I felt personally insulted along with others and took it to heart and admonished the poster. Perhaps too severely!

 

[Parksy]

It's nobody's fault in particular that the topic was closed.

Things can sometimes get a bit heated and comments submitted online which wouldn't be used in a face to face conversation.

This is true of all forums.

The problem with this particular forum is that because it runs with obsolete software the moderator can't 'lock' topics or move them to a 'hidden' part of the forum where only logged on members can take part.

The only tool that mods have besides warnings or persuasion is in effect an 'on / off' switch.

This forum also differs from most other caravan forums because it is hosted by the leading UK caravan magazine so if a bit of name calling appears between our members it might reflect badly on the magazine.

Imagine a young family considering buying a caravan having never done it before.

I wonder what impression they would have of us caravanners if they read comments where insults were exchanged on subjects over which we have no influence or control?

That is the main reason why topics are sometimes deleted but I had already tried to calm things without much success.

 

[Guest]

No problem for me Ian, I found your post quite funny.

Parksy yours the Mod's regular line that PC's leading Magazine roll may not be enhanced by our differet views and lead to young families new to or considering caravanning being put off.

Where does posting a link to a video with violent content fit with that along with the comment that one person see's no probelm with the filmed action.

I'm sorry Parksy, but I can't see how you can bulk at differening opinions but allow a comment condoning violent behaviour and the url to the filmed action.

If a bit off arg bargy bewteen members is a negative what message did the original post send to potential newbies.

Another point, there is nothing I say here that I wouldn't say to somebody face to face!

 

[Parksy]

Euro

You appear to be determined to start some sort of a row either with forum members or with me.

I will not be taken to task by you on this forum, if you don't like what happens here or disagree with what I do then please feel free to use some other caravan forum.

I've trued hard to be reasonable and patient as far as your forum misdeeds are concerned but you have now run out of leeway as far as I'm concerned.

You'll be hearing from me.

 

[colin(bridgend)]

Agreeing with Lisa - what has happened to the good old days of this forum with the likes of Lord B., Plotter, Lisa, Dianne, Liz (Mrs. Mop and Bucket as she was affectionally referred to), Emmerson, etc. (apologies if I have left any of the old gang out). They were good days with friendly banter and if I remember there was only one mod. to look after us all. One topic with its nonsense content received many posting ie. the Smokaloo (can this be brought back to life).