The silly joke thread - NOT WORK SAFE
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Tina, that was LB who posted that joke, not LOLLOL LOL That is your best yet !
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his
mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks
a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the
pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks
a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the
pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
Two Welshmen travelling at night from Blackpool to Bridgend got into an empty compartment at the end of the train and went to sleep.
Later the train stopped suddenly at a station and woke them up.
"Colin, have a look out of the window and see where we are," said Dai.
Colin looked out. "Oh, we're in Cheltenham", he said.
"That's all right", said Dai, "we don't have to change until Cardiff."
An hour later the train stopped again, and again Dai asked Colin to look out for the name of the station.
Colin again said it was Cheltenham.
"Funny", said Dai, "I didn't know there were two Cheltenhams."
A third time the train stopped. "Cheltenham again," said Colin.
"Come off it, there can't be three Cheltenhams", said Dai, "let's have a look" . . .
"Get away, mon, that's not 'Cheltenham', it's 'Gentlemen'."
Later the train stopped suddenly at a station and woke them up.
"Colin, have a look out of the window and see where we are," said Dai.
Colin looked out. "Oh, we're in Cheltenham", he said.
"That's all right", said Dai, "we don't have to change until Cardiff."
An hour later the train stopped again, and again Dai asked Colin to look out for the name of the station.
Colin again said it was Cheltenham.
"Funny", said Dai, "I didn't know there were two Cheltenhams."
A third time the train stopped. "Cheltenham again," said Colin.
"Come off it, there can't be three Cheltenhams", said Dai, "let's have a look" . . .
"Get away, mon, that's not 'Cheltenham', it's 'Gentlemen'."
A diminutive Welshman was up before the magistrates in Bridgend charged with a sexual assault on a much larger Australian female.
The magistrates were baffled as to how he had managed it and closely questioned the policeman who had arrested him.
"How on earth did he do it, officer?"
"He used a bucket, sir."
"You mean he stood on it?"
"No, sir, he put it over her head and swung from the handle."
The magistrates were baffled as to how he had managed it and closely questioned the policeman who had arrested him.
"How on earth did he do it, officer?"
"He used a bucket, sir."
"You mean he stood on it?"
"No, sir, he put it over her head and swung from the handle."
Dai had proposed to Megan and been accepted. "But", added Megan, before we get married I must tell you something dreadful about my past life."
"No," said Dai, "I won't hear of it. You can tell me after we're married."
After they were married and had set off for their honeymoon in Penarth, Megan again brought up the subject of her "dreadful secret".
"No," said Dai, "it can wait. Tell me when we're in bed together, that'll be soon enough."
That night as they got into bed Megan declared "Well, Dai, now I really do have to tell you my secret. You see .I'm a virgin."
Dai didn't say a word but put on his clothes and travelled all the way back to his mother's house.
"Dai!" said his mother, "what are you doing here, you're supposed to be on your honeymoon."
"It's no good", said Dai, "I've had to leave Megan; it turns out she's a virgin."
"Well, Dai," said his mother, "in that case you were quite right to come home. If she's not good enough for the rest of the village she's not good enough for you."
"No," said Dai, "I won't hear of it. You can tell me after we're married."
After they were married and had set off for their honeymoon in Penarth, Megan again brought up the subject of her "dreadful secret".
"No," said Dai, "it can wait. Tell me when we're in bed together, that'll be soon enough."
That night as they got into bed Megan declared "Well, Dai, now I really do have to tell you my secret. You see .I'm a virgin."
Dai didn't say a word but put on his clothes and travelled all the way back to his mother's house.
"Dai!" said his mother, "what are you doing here, you're supposed to be on your honeymoon."
"It's no good", said Dai, "I've had to leave Megan; it turns out she's a virgin."
"Well, Dai," said his mother, "in that case you were quite right to come home. If she's not good enough for the rest of the village she's not good enough for you."
A Welsh hill farmer had a small farm with just a few sheep.
One day while his wife was dyeing a bedspread a little lamb fell into the bucket of dye and emerged bright blue in colour. A passing tourist seeing the blue coloured lamb bought it for fifty pounds.
The farmer saw he was on to a good thing, so he dyed all his other lambs in bright colours and sold them at a vast profit.
With the money he made he bought up all the lambs in the county and now he's the biggest lamb dyer in the whole of Wales.
One day while his wife was dyeing a bedspread a little lamb fell into the bucket of dye and emerged bright blue in colour. A passing tourist seeing the blue coloured lamb bought it for fifty pounds.
The farmer saw he was on to a good thing, so he dyed all his other lambs in bright colours and sold them at a vast profit.
With the money he made he bought up all the lambs in the county and now he's the biggest lamb dyer in the whole of Wales.
Two men shared an old two-roomed farmhouse somewhere west of Tregaron. Dai grumbled to a visitor:
"Rhys makes life unbearable at times. He keeps sheep and goats in the bedroom and it smells terrible."
"Why don't you open the window?" came the reply.
"What, and let all my pigeons escape?"
"Rhys makes life unbearable at times. He keeps sheep and goats in the bedroom and it smells terrible."
"Why don't you open the window?" came the reply.
"What, and let all my pigeons escape?"
A Welshman, an Scotsman and an Englishman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.
The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Scotsman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back.
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Welshman was next up. After watching the Scotsman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Welshman was soon led away whimpering loudly.
The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most honourable race of people and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Englishman replied, "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave like all the English" the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.
"Tie the Welshman to my back" replied the Englishman.
The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Scotsman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back.
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Welshman was next up. After watching the Scotsman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Welshman was soon led away whimpering loudly.
The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most honourable race of people and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Englishman replied, "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave like all the English" the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.
"Tie the Welshman to my back" replied the Englishman.
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the
Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and to! ld them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and to! ld them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
Lord B. I thought that we were on the way to becoming good friends with the previous manner in which on some postings you have agreed with me. Now you have the audacity to hit me SEVEN times with so called jokes insulting to the Welsh race. You really know how to hurt don't you. remeber even a cabbage has a heart. All I can say is thank God I'm Welsh and broad shouldered and not of a more sensative race.
lmaaaaaaaoooooo Colin.Lord B. I thought that we were on the way to becoming good friends with the previous manner in which on some postings you have agreed with me. Now you have the audacity to hit me SEVEN times with so called jokes insulting to the Welsh race. You really know how to hurt don't you. remeber even a cabbage has a heart. All I can say is thank God I'm Welsh and broad shouldered and not of a more sensative race.
You may well laugh Lord B. but the day of reckoning is coming. If I'm at the Perly gates before you look out. You will be banned to hell and with your bow and arrow where you can shoot whoever you so wish.
I dont think you appreciate the work I put into those 7 jokes Colin, all the surfing and changing of names in the jokes ;O)You may well laugh Lord B. but the day of reckoning is coming. If I'm at the Perly gates before you look out. You will be banned to hell and with your bow and arrow where you can shoot whoever you so wish.
A five year old boy who had just started school was out with Mum & Dad for a Sunday afternnon ride in the car. The little boy spotted a steam engine and said "Look dad a chu chu" His father told him that as he was now a big boy in school it was not a chu chu but a train. Sorry Dad he replied.
A little while later he saw some lambs in a field and said "Look at those ba lambs". His father again corrected him and told him they were either lambs or sheep. This went on when the little boy saw some moo cows.
The following day at the tea table Dad asked his son what he did at school to which the lad replied "Teacher read us a great story today" The father asked what that story was and the lad replied
wait for it
"Whinny the S**t"
A little while later he saw some lambs in a field and said "Look at those ba lambs". His father again corrected him and told him they were either lambs or sheep. This went on when the little boy saw some moo cows.
The following day at the tea table Dad asked his son what he did at school to which the lad replied "Teacher read us a great story today" The father asked what that story was and the lad replied
wait for it
"Whinny the S**t"
Here are the jokes judged funniest by people from different countries around the world.
TOP JOKE IN WALES.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
TOP JOKE IN ENGLAND.
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
TOP JOKE IN SCOTLAND.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
TOP JOKE IN NORTHERN IRELAND.
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news".Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?".
The doctor replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
TOP JOKE IN UK.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
TOP JOKE IN USA.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
TOP JOKE IN CANADA.
When Nasa first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, scientists spent a decade and 12 billion dollars to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
TOP JOKE IN AUSTRALIA.
This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."
TOP JOKE IN BELGIUM.
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
TOP JOKE IN GERMANY.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it"
AND THE WORLDS FUNNIEST JOKE
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
TOP JOKE IN WALES.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
TOP JOKE IN ENGLAND.
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
TOP JOKE IN SCOTLAND.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
TOP JOKE IN NORTHERN IRELAND.
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news".Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?".
The doctor replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
TOP JOKE IN UK.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
TOP JOKE IN USA.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
TOP JOKE IN CANADA.
When Nasa first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, scientists spent a decade and 12 billion dollars to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
TOP JOKE IN AUSTRALIA.
This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."
TOP JOKE IN BELGIUM.
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
TOP JOKE IN GERMANY.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it"
AND THE WORLDS FUNNIEST JOKE
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
brian you forgot the best Russian joke so for the sake of continuity here it is:-
TOP JOKE IN RUSSIA
Leroy Ƣ
TOP JOKE IN RUSSIA
Leroy Ƣ
brian you forgot the best Russian joke so for the sake of continuity here it is:-
TOP JOKE IN RUSSIA
Leroy Ƣ
A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down...and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device...a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent b*st*rd," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy...you explain the kids."
A woman runs into a police station bitterly sobbing and says "Help me I've been graped" It took quite a while to console her and a WPC asked her what she meant as they thought she should have said raped. The woman, a bit calmer, replied "No there was a bunch of them".
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."
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