The Teenager in the Family

[Mike_5078877]

My wife and I enjoy the weekend away caravanning, however, our son is now nearly 15 and has got to the phase where caravanning is plain "boring".

We have tried the usual,- going to places he would like, bringing a friend along, bribes etc, but all to no avail. He would prefer to stay at home for the weekend routine with his mates and his swimming club.

We don't caravan every weekend but the aggro we go through to get away when we do is causing friction in the household.

In my lad's defence, apart from the caravan issue he is all any parent would want. Never in trouble and totally trustworthy.

The lad wants to be left at home, but we feel it's too young yet and I know my wife would spend the weekend away worrying all the time.

We don't want to rely on neighbours and close family for a "teenager sitting" service.

Has anyone been through this phase themselves and got any ideas how the problem might be resolved?

 

[Ian341]

HI Mike,

I do sympathise with you, our son is now nearly 16 and now loves going in the caravan.

We try to give him as much responsibility as possible, we tell him where we want to go and he looks for a site he likes the look of and then we approve it if it looks good, we ask him to plan the route and again i check over it and if it is good then we leave it.

We try to get him as involved in the caravan as possible, he helps prepare the van before we leave and tells me which turnings to take etc.

If he really isn't keen try to organise a group trip, do any of his friends have caravans if so try and tie up with the parents to organise a trip somewhere and have a bbq etc.

On our previous van our son didn't like coming because he didnt have "his own space", we now have a van with rear fixed bed and can be completely closed off to give him his own space for music etc.

You could suggest an activity trip to get him to like it, say that he can take friends and camp in the awning or a tent and go somewhere where there is lots to occupy him.

Make sure you don't fuss (like my wife does), leave him pack his own clothes and ipod etc. and don't ask him if he has packed everything, this usually annoys my son.

If our son didn't want to go we wouldn't bother going because my wife would not enjoy herself and she would spend the whole weekend worrying.

I hope some of these points will help !

Where do you live ?? We could organise a group meeting so more teenagers could get to know eachother and maybe be more keen to go caravanning ???

Ian

 

[swpostie]

Why don't you just tell him he's going - and that's that!

 

[Rubix]

Because Rupert, at 15 he should be able to make his own decisions, and that include wether he wants to go on a "boring" caravan hoilday with his parents or not.

If you tell him he has to go, then it wil make it worse.

 

[Graham_374319662]

been there ours is now 16 and the same problem. what we did was stopped going away for 1 season (15) and this year now he's 16 leave him at home. the firs time we had a teanager sitter just to make sure he was ok. then on his own for 1 night then 2.

On comment he made was how quiet and boring its on you own!! so hang in there

 

[Auvergne]

Hi Mike,

Glad to know we're not alone, we have had similar discussions this week about when is the right time to leave teenagers at home alone. We have two, daughter just turned 17 and son just turned 15. Our son is 6ft 5" which poses a problem in itself as his head pops through the heiki to enable him to stand up properly so its not surprising he in particular baulks against going away in the van, its so uncomfortable for him.

My two would just not be into "getting involved" with the choice of site etc., they don't like it and find it boring full stop. We even bought a bigger van last year to accommodate them better and they came out once - we sold it after 7 months and went back to a single axle. I think my son would tolerate it if we had EHU for his PS3 and my daughter would be OK with a laptop connection so's she could stay in touch with her mates, but only on the odd occasion.

I look at it this way, although my elder is still at school I tend to forget when I was her age I was picking up my handbag and travelling into London to do a day's work, going in the pub afterwards etc., I have to recognise she is not a schoolgirl anymore and I can't treat her like one. At 17 my mum and dad left me alone to go off caravanning but I was driving by then, my daughter is not. I would feel happier if I knew she was driving and able to get from A to B safely.

With my son I feel differently as he is still a minor - although a very grown up minor. I am really unsure as to whether I'd be breaking the law if I left him at home, does anyone know? What about if he was with his sister?

My two are very trustworthy and sensible but its other people I don't trust and having been cossetted to a certain extent I don't think they realise what sort of things go on these days.

However, I have the answer.... get divorced like I did, then alternate weekends they go to their Mum's/Dad's and you can go caravanning like we do!!!

Good luck!

 

[cooky1]

Our eldest two don't come away with us any more but the youngest is now 16 and wants to stay at home. We tried 2 nights away on a site not far from home as a trial. He was given the rules to stick to and told he was on a trial. Everything went OK and he managed OK. The next time we went away it was for 5 nights and again he was told that if he was responsible enough to look after himself for that amount of time then we would consider leaving him for longer - it was up to him to prove to us he could be trusted.

We now leave him whenever we go away and - so far, there have been no problems. We still give him a ring every so often to check he is OK. He is always welcome to come with us if he wants but he now chooses to stay at home.

I think it is about trust for both parents and child.

Graeme.

 

[weejock]

Went through this stage myself a few years back and when our eldest daughter was 18 she went to the navy. On her first leave back home I asked if there was anything she wanted to do only to be told why don't we all go away in the caravan. Kids I'll never understand them.

 

[Lord Braykewynde]

My daughter and family have just been to Cornwall but my grandson (16) didn't want to go so he stayed with us.

If I had a youngster my main worry would be if he asked a few friends round for a party, inviting them using Facebook or Bebo, others would read it and 100s turn up and trash the house. That's happened a few times lately.

 

[Gillian_374363282]

Similar problem, different circumstances when our son was 16/17. We bargained with him. Stay at home and big sister will come and stay with you but you are responsible for yourself and her and our home. If it goes well for this year then next year when you will be 18 we will pay for your holiday abroad with the boys.

All was well that ended well. Between them daughter got fed for free every time we went away, son was banking on the holiday trip abroad to be paid for (which he got) our home stayed party free and after that there wasn't a problem to be solved. He was then officially an adult to do as he pleased and had proved we could rely on him. Phew!

 

[Moonstone1]

Just been in the same situation. Our 15 year old doesn't want to go away, has his paper round, various football activities over a weekend and to be honest, when we're away, he mooches around so much it spoils it for us and our younger son.

We agreed to leave him at home for the weekend about a month ago. I made a long list of do's and don'ts and stuck post its near the doors and alarm just to remind him.

I never worried he would have anyone in the house at all - my main concern was that he would set the house on fire, leave the cooker on etc, or leave the house unlocked. But he didn't, he knew I'd never leave him again if anything went wrong. We left emergency numbers and a friend of ours, checked on him once. I text him a couple of times but he said he was fine.

The house was tidy on our return, he'd even washed the pots. We looked at it as going to happen, because to be honest, come November he'll be 16 and he could effectively leave school and get a job. If that's the case, or he gets a Saturday job, he can't come with us anymore anyway, so I'd just have to get used to it.

I did worry a little, but now I've done it, I'll do it again, although it's not very likely for the next few months, as we've just moved into temporary accommodation for flood repairs to our house after the June 2007 flooding in our area. Wouldn't trust him to look after the temporary accommodation.

Although I'd never tell you want to do, I'd recommend you gave him the responsibility and go away to a local site (maybe 10 miles away) where you can pop back unexpectedly to check up. Just do one night if necessary.

 

[GillW]

Mike

Also went through this a couple of years ago with two boys then 15 & 16 First time tried it when one of them was on holiday with friends so weren't leaving both home together and gradually inctreased time left and distance away till we were happy that there were no problems

Even now at 20 & 19 always have our mobiles on just in case but have never had any trouble at all,both boys understand ground rules though these have changed slightly as they have got older,always come back to a tidy house,washing and washing up done,though not the ironing mores the pity

You know your child best,there cannot be a hard and fast rule for this,just take sensible precautions especially at first and good luck

Gill

 

[ValA.]

We had this too - so we took his friends along with us. It gave us the holiday we needed, and we didn't see that much of them whilst away - they just grunted themselves awake outside in the pup tents they occupied - and disappeared into the swimming pool, returning only to raid the fridge, or at mealtimes. They had a great time - and unfortunately it was so successful that they carried on wanting to come with us until they were eighteen!! We had eldest son and his friend (who joined us by bus) and younger son and his friend on one holiday - and then another who was working nearby dropped by for the odd meal or two!

 

[Mike_5078877]

First of all thanks for all your replies. I had a feeling there would be fellow caravaners out there who had had the same "problem", and I think the length of the replies shows this.

The comments all show that this is definitely a time of concern and there are different solutions for each child/situation.

I thought I'd update you on this weekend.

At 8am Saturday morning we were going to stay at home, but surprisingly the sun was shining, and we didn't want to miss a potentially dry weekend. So by 10am and various "discussions" later we decided to lay down some ground rules, take the bull by the horns, and leave the lad for one night. We kept in touch by mobile which was handy for the "reminders" but also a bit of a pain as my wife wanted me to check how he was every two hours.

We arrived home at 5pm on the Sunday to a tidy enough house, the PS3 was still hooked up to the main TV (not in his bedroom), and the pots had been washed. Up to now we've not noticed any breakages so I've got to say it was a success. We are going to repeat the experience again this weekend, but I am now confident all will be OK.

We are from the North West and travel to Devon each year in August for the main holiday and thankfully he looks forward to this as we meet friends from Birmingham on an annual basis. They have a lad around the same age and most of the time they make their own entertainment on site, just appearing for re-fuelling. I definitely wouldn't leave him for a fortnight, even if he moaned, but at least our weekends may now be less stressful.

Thanks again for your replies