Proud to be British

Mar 14, 2005
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Makes me very proud to be British Because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the

counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then

have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to

talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating

rink.

NOT TO MENTION........

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of

screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the

fairy lights were plugged in.

9 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations

were chocolates.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling

accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of

the soles of their feet.

8 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit

cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control

Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the

toilet............................

RULE BRITANNIA!!!!!
 
Dec 16, 2003
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Well I guess this is a summary of Blairs Britain! Don't loose any sleep Clive, Ton's Chronies at the home office will have a few laws out in a jif to prevent these things happening. Safety Warnings re tongues and batteries will be mandatory, and expect health and saftety warnings on new shirts.

No doubt we will be forced into parenting lessons encompassing using correct tools for the job, wearing safe footwear at all times as well as children tidying up regimes.

With the 24 hour drink laws it will be made illegal to throw up in a toilet and all beer bottles will probably get screw caps and comprehensive safety and opening instructions :)

ps, out of the 31 who died watering Christmas tress did it say how many were actually watering artificial ones! Our government needs help with new laws and how can they legislate without that vital information?
 
Mar 14, 2005
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Not sure about the real or artificial Christmas trees - but I expect some one will now be employed to write a thesis on the dangers of artificial trees looking too real and therefore causing confusion.

You could be in line for a CBE for identifying the danger to the population.
 
Dec 16, 2003
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Good point Clive.

I would have to turn down the CBE as I don't believe in titles or gongs for the boys. I am very proud that my father turned down a gong that was the norm for someone in his job as they approached retirement.

Old BW will probably be off now, he seems to be against hunting but chooses to be party to an archaic hierarchal tradition of our antiquated social ladder climbing.
 
Jan 19, 2008
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Good point Clive.

I would have to turn down the CBE as I don't believe in titles or gongs for the boys. I am very proud that my father turned down a gong that was the norm for someone in his job as they approached retirement.

Old BW will probably be off now, he seems to be against hunting but chooses to be party to an archaic hierarchal tradition of our antiquated social ladder climbing.
swallowed the dictionary?
 
Dec 16, 2003
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Sorry Mister BW did the rungs on your part of the ladder rattle?

Nothing to do with my diet, just a throw back from my expensive education.

I'll rejoin the rest of the proles beneathe the lowere rung. Bow Bow, tugs forelock and departs backwards!
 
G

Guest

Not to deride Poland in any way, but have you noticed how many of them are over here? It used to be the Aussies who came for the seasonal jobs, this year it is the Poles. There are so many in one part of Scotland, that the local Education Authority is putting on English language schools for them.

Maybe we need to all move to Poland, with all that EU money they are going?? to get from our 'Tone's' generosity, it could be the next property 'hot spot'. Mind you don't include me, I hate the cold.
 
Jan 19, 2008
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Here its the police who are learning Russian because we have Poles, Estonians and Lithuanians. The powers that be thought that because they were former Soviet Bloc countries most would understand Russian. The police have said that local crime as gone up by 40% and approx. 40% of those arrested for shop lifting etc. come from those countries.
 
Mar 14, 2005
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Hey lads this topic has now turned into an anti Polish issue. Remember you are in a PC country and now Poland is part of the EU. Shame on you lot you should have known better. Mind you it takes the heat of all the other anti topics on this forum.

We could possibly start up an anti anti/pro syndicate to debate whether there should be an anti or pro society in this PC country. Please don't ask me to explain my self but I am sure someone out there knows what I mean.
 
Dec 16, 2003
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The omly PC people here are the dozy politico's so far removed from the realities of real life!

Blair and his Chronies brought in a minimum wage yet state that if we want waiters and people to work for low pay we have to let in Poles and other imported workers. Surely this should be telling Tony and his Chronies something about pay and work practice for people living here already when we still have unemployment.

Many of our new europeans and others come here for work and better pay than their homelands so they can then send money to their poorer families back home, yet they pay the same living costs as us when they come here.
 
Mar 14, 2005
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An awful lot of skilled workers, (Nurses are a good example) are working here as well. These Nurses from all over the world are propping up the NHS infrastructure by accepting low wages whilst UK nurses have to work in the Private Sector or go agency to earn enough to live.

The effect on the countries that provide us with "cheap" labour can be devastating as that country trained them and then looses a skilled worker.
 
Dec 16, 2003
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If you work in a shop that sells booze or fags you are obliged to judge the age of a purchaser. If you give away your emplyers goods with out questioning where they are going or if they are paid for expect big trouble.

But doctors and hospital staff have decided it is not there job to check if patients are entitled to treatment.

I know for fact that MANY people bring "relatives" from abroad just for free treatment here as no none checks. I know of others around the country that are very aware of this very very common practice and abuse of our systems.

If we has proper checks on who was getting treatment we wouldn't need a lot of the imported hospital staff and our operating theatres would be under less pressure and things such as insulin would not be going abroad! The politicians and do gooders can poo poo this as much as the like but it is very common practice as is the general ripping off our benefits systems by all and sundrie.
 
Mar 14, 2005
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A letter has been submitted to the Daily Mail today whereby the writer has been very disallusioned by the new Conservative policy since Mr. Cameron has become leader and is considering joining the BNP. After watching Prime Minister Question Time today whereby Mr. Cameron raised a point to when is this government going to increase funding to Africa to help the fight against AIDS. I have no objection to helping any person in any country but I think with the problems being experienced in this country regarding law and order, health, education, etc. that we should be putting more concern in getting our own house in order rather than helping foregn countries. Once we have sorted ourselves out then we can help abroad.

Also why the concern regarding Iran with nuclear weapons - the western world such as U.K., U.S.A and many other countries have them and there is no concern made about this. We should disarm our own weapons as a mark of goodwill before criticising other countries who are considering going down the nuclear arms route. Wikk the U.S.A. and our leader take us again into war just like Iraq on false information?
 
May 4, 2005
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We are so proud of being British that we are currently looking into moving to Spain to join them all!

I must point out that I have an Italian/Irish background and my wife was born in Africa to Indian parents. True Brits...Brian
 
G

Guest

Brian,

Good luck if you do decide to make the move. However, I would not put Spain on my list, they have a bad habit of changing the rules after you have bought property and deciding to reclaim it, and to hell with what the EU says.

Now, if someone can tell me how to beat the French tax system............? I would be there is a shot.
 
Mar 14, 2005
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In all seriousness - as an IFA I have several clients who now reside in France and as such have a good working knowledge of the French Tax system.

I think in many ways it is far better than ours. Especially for retired individuals in that it is the household that has the tax allowances not each individual. This means for example that on the death of a spouse the tax allowances stay the same. In the UK all the annuity and pension income has to be realigned to the surviving spouse which can cause upset as well as loss of income.

Anyone who wants further info on this may I suggest you let the Moddies know and if it is acceptable to them within the rules of the Forum I am happy include those individuals on our regular email updates.
 

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