One liners, Humour

[Gagakev]

View attachment 9728

John

I would like to offer them all an apprenticeship, start aged 65 years.
Our trade..............Scaffolding!!

 

[toad a caravan]

Nice to see someone going up in the world ,,,rather you than me,hop ups or the first two rungs of a ladder they're my maximum limit

 

[Hutch]

 

[otherclive]

View attachment 9785

Our local main hospital in Bath are advertising free Will writing services. Quite relevant to your posts comment block. 😂

 

[Jcloughie]

Found a key in town, handed it in at the police station if anyone has lost it.

John

 

[Jcloughie]

John

 

[borderbilly]

View attachment 9795

Found a key in town, handed it in at the police station if anyone has lost it.

John

Its mine, dropped it off my corned dog tin.

 

[Hutch]

Its mine, dropped it off my corned dog tin.

Sardines on Corned Beef.

 

[otherclive]

Just having a peruse of apartments for sale in Devizes. One in a development named “ Snuff Court”. Not particularly appropriate 🤭

 

[borderbilly]

Just having a peruse of apartments for sale in Devizes. One in a development named “ Snuff Court”. Not particularly appropriate 🤭

Apparently you need to be over 65 to buy one, I wonder why?

 

[otherclive]

Cr

Apparently you need to be over 65 to buy one, I wonder why?

Crikey I am eligible 🤭

 

[Buckman]

Cr

Crikey I am eligible 🤭

Weren't you eligible 30 years ago? 🤣 🤣

 

[Beachball]

Did you hear about the notebook that married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

 

[borderbilly]

Did you hear about the notebook that married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

I will get your coat

 

[Hutch]

Here is one for Border billy.

What do you call a Scotsman who makes his son polish his shoes ?

McKay, while the son shines.

 

[Hutch]

What performs underwater operations.

A Doctorpus

 

[borderbilly]

Here is one for Border billy.

What do you call a Scotsman who makes his son polish his shoes ?

McKay, while the son shines.

Yer jaket is on a shogglee nail, ill git it.

 

[Hutch]

Yer jaket is on a shogglee nail, ill git it.

Hers Tay ya, Fas like ya, Guis fue.

 

[IanB1485]

My all time favourites from my 10 year old son ( now 51) who had just discovered jokes in first place:-
"my dog has got no nose!
"How does he smell?"
"Flipping awful"
followed up in second place
"knock , knock"
"whos there?"
"Little man"
"little man who?"
"little man who couldn't reach the doorbell"
needless to say he didn't make it as a comedian, Now a highly skilled ethical hacker for an ISP

 

[Beachball]

We may not be socks, but I know we"d make a great pair.

 

[toad a caravan]

The hat said to the scarf"I'll go on ahead,you just hang around"

 

[Buckman]

Last night I yanked out a couple of nose hairs just to see if it hurt. Judging by how fast my wife woke up screaming, I'm guessing the answer is YES.

 

[Beachball]

If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, he would be your FedEx.

 

[Thebossandhermaster]

Last night I yanked out a couple of nose hairs just to see if it hurt. Judging by how fast my wife woke up screaming, I'm guessing the answer is YES.

Ouch ! so you’ll have 2 black eyes then

 

[borderbilly]

Afraid of escalators?
Don't worry, there are steps you can take.