Lee we have not abandoned the project so don't feel so down hearted. We are in the midst of our annual summer holiday stop fortnight. As Arnie would say "WE'LL BE BACK". How did you get in Lee as I thought security had locked up for us and were parading the grounds keeping an eye open for infiltrators from our so called competitors?
Overweight caravaners.
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COLIN oooops no need to shout anymore is there. I found the key under the statue of a smokeloo. Anyway where has Liz gone?
Liz is possibly in Somerset as she said a few weeks ago that she intended going there for a few weeks. You say you found the key under a statue - this no doubt is the Plotter's doing. He was held responsible for hiring a first class security company and what does he do - gives the job to his shady friend for peanuts and pockets the rest. My faith in human nature is dwindling fast.
My scroll key is still scrolling and did not catch that message from Liz but I'll chaeck out security on the way out and upgrade it and send the bill to Plotter!(725 bit of a milestone eh!)
Colin,you cant blame me for the security lapse because I didnt put the key under the statue I left it in the lock because I thought that was the last place anyone would look.Anyway criticism from someone who is off to the naturist beach at Studland(appropriate name)!
I thought Liz would be back by now refreshed and ready to get her uniform on and away on the golf buggy,by the way did you check to see that her overall were the righr size as I recall that you were making comments about her bulk.
I thought Liz would be back by now refreshed and ready to get her uniform on and away on the golf buggy,by the way did you check to see that her overall were the righr size as I recall that you were making comments about her bulk.
Mr. Plotter - I may be going to stay in the Poole area of Dorset but I have not set foot on Studland beach for approx. 10 years or so. I have no intentions of visiting the beach this year. I will be driving past to head for Sandbanks via the chain ferry but not actually stopping at the beach. I am now going tomorrow as a few hiccups befell us today and the weather is not too brilliant so give it a go tomorrow.
As far as my comments regarding the siz of Liz's figure is concerned I have read back over the previous postings and there is no way that I have ever made derogerty statements regarding her appearance. The correct version was me defending the good lady against "insulting" comments mad by others, including yourself, whereby an inference was made that she was of larger than average body size. I thought this most hurtfull and felt I had to come to her defence and honour her good name and appearance in her absence. I would have far greater respect than to ask ANY lady her body measurements and dress size as I think it would be highly insulting and personal to the lady and down right ignorant of the male to stoop so low. The same way I would not ask a lady her age. It has now dawned on me that you want to know her figure dimensions and size and want me to ask her these questions for your satisfaction. NO WAY MATE.
As far as my comments regarding the siz of Liz's figure is concerned I have read back over the previous postings and there is no way that I have ever made derogerty statements regarding her appearance. The correct version was me defending the good lady against "insulting" comments mad by others, including yourself, whereby an inference was made that she was of larger than average body size. I thought this most hurtfull and felt I had to come to her defence and honour her good name and appearance in her absence. I would have far greater respect than to ask ANY lady her body measurements and dress size as I think it would be highly insulting and personal to the lady and down right ignorant of the male to stoop so low. The same way I would not ask a lady her age. It has now dawned on me that you want to know her figure dimensions and size and want me to ask her these questions for your satisfaction. NO WAY MATE.
Colin,me thinks you protest too much all I was inferring was that Liz is larger than life!I would not wish to generate trouble as these are 'Testing'times for me.
Plotter me thinks that you are not economical with the truth in your last posting. It took a few hours to think of an escape clause whereby you were infering that Liz was "larger than life". We have known for some time that she is a very happy and carefree person but your previous posting made a direct comment regarding a suitable overall to fit her figure. Therefore you are guilty as charged sir.
This posting has taken over two hours to prepare as a result of visitors.
This posting has taken over two hours to prepare as a result of visitors.
Colin,I wish to give notice of appeal to a higher authority possibly even as high as Lord Braykewynd,you can not get higher than the house of Lords so I am off to hereford tomorrow.
I referred to her bulk at no point did I say large bulk as that would have been rude in the extreme,you will i am sure concede that bulk can be both large and small so I assume as you took it to mean the former,it implies that is your view of the ladies dimensions.
I think in your opening line you meant to say I was economical and not the opposite,either way the appeal hearing will decide.At least the person hearing the appeal is this side of Offas **** and we know his opinions of the other lot the other side.
Do I take it the visitors causing the delay to your response were friends from the naturist club plotting your visit to 'The' beach.
I referred to her bulk at no point did I say large bulk as that would have been rude in the extreme,you will i am sure concede that bulk can be both large and small so I assume as you took it to mean the former,it implies that is your view of the ladies dimensions.
I think in your opening line you meant to say I was economical and not the opposite,either way the appeal hearing will decide.At least the person hearing the appeal is this side of Offas **** and we know his opinions of the other lot the other side.
Do I take it the visitors causing the delay to your response were friends from the naturist club plotting your visit to 'The' beach.
Reading just some of these 731 postings has made me realise that the sense of humour of some caravanners is also bigger than average! Some of you should take up alternative employment as scriptwriters for some of the c..p comedy shows now on the box!
Valerie,As one of the principal directors of Smokaloo PLC I feel comment on your post is necessary as you state that we should seek employment as writers for the c..p programmes do i take it that you consider our humour to be of a similar c..p nature or where you intimating that we would bring the productions up to a superior level.
I shall take it to be the latter, and at our next bored meeting( no that was not a typo Colin just goes on and on about village halls)I shall move two motions :-
1/That in the ebscence of Liz you be offered a temporary contract subject to interview and probation (most of our employees seem to be on Probation!
2/ That we consider further diversification into script writing,I am aware that some of our colleagues are experienced in this area as it is evidenced on the walls of the Smoakloo,what sort of impression does that give when we are demonstrating its functions.
Please advise if you are prepared to take up our offer of employment.
I shall take it to be the latter, and at our next bored meeting( no that was not a typo Colin just goes on and on about village halls)I shall move two motions :-
1/That in the ebscence of Liz you be offered a temporary contract subject to interview and probation (most of our employees seem to be on Probation!
2/ That we consider further diversification into script writing,I am aware that some of our colleagues are experienced in this area as it is evidenced on the walls of the Smoakloo,what sort of impression does that give when we are demonstrating its functions.
Please advise if you are prepared to take up our offer of employment.
Yes, you're right - improved quality was the anticipated outcome if you lot started scriptwriting. I'm not sure how well I'd do as an employee - probably die on the job laughing! Does the Smokaloo come in a suitable size to make an alternative to an environmentally friendly coffin for someone of a modest build?
You will see if you have the will power to read all the posts that the whole concept of the Smokaloo and associated products in the range such as the Hovercrap are all specifically designed with versatlity in mind and as such yes they can metamorphasise (that is the Outer Hebrides spelling)into pretty much anything you like.If you are into coffins then fine you can take the standard model or a bespoke model could be made.A host of options are available(at extra cost)
You may be interested to know that with environmental issues so much in peoples minds that the whole range is fully recyclable and can be compressed into a 'brick' around 6 inches square which can be burnt and some of these have been ordered by crematoriums as fuel in other words what comes around goes around.
Thought for the day are there any crematoriums in smoke free zones.
So the question remains are you prepared to take up our offer of employment in a business that is not going down the pan,indeed we are all flushed with success.This is an opportunity to change your life forever,please respond with a resume of your CV stating what area of the business you would wish to join.We are also looking for testers if you know any body that you consider to be real sh..s!
You may be interested to know that with environmental issues so much in peoples minds that the whole range is fully recyclable and can be compressed into a 'brick' around 6 inches square which can be burnt and some of these have been ordered by crematoriums as fuel in other words what comes around goes around.
Thought for the day are there any crematoriums in smoke free zones.
So the question remains are you prepared to take up our offer of employment in a business that is not going down the pan,indeed we are all flushed with success.This is an opportunity to change your life forever,please respond with a resume of your CV stating what area of the business you would wish to join.We are also looking for testers if you know any body that you consider to be real sh..s!
Liz welcome back I hope that you had a good holiday and are now refreshed to make up all the hours that you have missed whilst galavanting around Somerset.In your abscence little has happened Colin has gone to the naturist beach near Poole,Emmerson was stood up by Lisa and has now gone off on village hall duty.Chrissielizzie has not been heard of for ages.So it has all been left to me so I am still considering selling my shares to some bloke called Cris either that or maybe Ria and James.
I thought I had an offer that was to good to be true as I was approached by a virgin but it turned out to be Richard Branson!
I thought I had an offer that was to good to be true as I was approached by a virgin but it turned out to be Richard Branson!
Liz,while you have been away you can't fail to have been unaware of the heavy rain and flooding.They say every cloud has a silver lining or in case a brown one because (dont spread it around in case industrial spies see it) but I have been flooded with requests for details of the Hovercrap because as you know flooding is not a problem because it hovers it is a bit like a floater.The interest has been from all sorts of places the Military because they think they are in the sh** and that goes for the government as well.As a result I have floated the business.
Hi Plotter, How did you do that bring this topic back?
Now Steve have you got your Popcorn and are sitting comfortably this could be another big run!
Plotter selling your shares, no way.
I could have used your hoovercrap whilst in Somerset I could have used it to float along the ditches.
So we still have Lee C, Ria and James, Colin in Poole Naturist beach, he may draw some on lookers, Lisa on holiday in my neck of the woods.
I am glad to be back, only for a short while, back in Somerset Sunday, (working holiday).
Liz
Now Steve have you got your Popcorn and are sitting comfortably this could be another big run!
Plotter selling your shares, no way.
I could have used your hoovercrap whilst in Somerset I could have used it to float along the ditches.
So we still have Lee C, Ria and James, Colin in Poole Naturist beach, he may draw some on lookers, Lisa on holiday in my neck of the woods.
I am glad to be back, only for a short while, back in Somerset Sunday, (working holiday).
Liz
Well whst can I say? rearrange the following into a well known phrase or saying.......ship,rats,sinking,deserting,a.
Hi Plotter, you seem a bit fed up, we will have to try and cheer you up, mind you it's taken me all the morning trying to load this topic hehehe back to work now speak later. Liz
P.S who has to grovel to me not read all the postings yet!!
P.S who has to grovel to me not read all the postings yet!!
that will be Colin he intimated in an ungentlemanly manner that you were ( I struggle to repeat it)how shall we say larger than maybe others.I on the other hand said that you were larger than life which I am sure you will agree is a totally different thing,the topic came up when discussing your uniform.
Well that figures Colin, just wait till he gets back from holiday, now my uniform, I suggest waterproofs and wellies quite suitable at the moment to be reviewed at a later date.
personally I think you would be good in chest waders,rubber of course.If you are in deep you need full protection.
Full protection very important, I do not like getting wet, shape and size has to be a perfect fit.
Plotter you are a s**t stirring grovelling little b*****d. Liz if you believe him you will believe any one. You should read back on the postings and also with the harmonious correspondance we have previously enjoyed you will realise that I would never cast any doubt or concern regarding the age, looks or size of a lady - that information is for her knowledge only and for others to question it is a disgrace. Also Plotter the visitors referred to in a previous posting was my brother and sister in law - he an accountant and she a universaty lecturer - pillars of society who would not even consider visiting one of the seadier beaches you keep referring to. I did travel via Studland and the chain ferry to Sandbanks but did no visit the beach as I did not have any need or desire to frequent that area.
Liz please accept this now as a constructive comment regarding one of your recent postings where you made reference to a "hoovercrap" (an oppertune spelling mistake me thinks) - without impinging on trade names could this be an extension to our product range whereby the facility on offer could be self cleansing?
I think that as there is so much leave being taken at the moment that the company should be left to tick over until after the August bank holiday and then we could get back to full flow again.
Liz please accept this now as a constructive comment regarding one of your recent postings where you made reference to a "hoovercrap" (an oppertune spelling mistake me thinks) - without impinging on trade names could this be an extension to our product range whereby the facility on offer could be self cleansing?
I think that as there is so much leave being taken at the moment that the company should be left to tick over until after the August bank holiday and then we could get back to full flow again.
"I did travel via Studland and the chain ferry to Sandbanks but did no visit the beach as I did not have any need or desire"
If that's the case why did you email me
"if you want to buy some photos I will send them under a plain wrapper if you know what I mean, nudge! nudge! wink! wink! "
If that's the case why did you email me
"if you want to buy some photos I will send them under a plain wrapper if you know what I mean, nudge! nudge! wink! wink! "
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