One liners, Humour

[Beachball]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool . I gave him a glass of water

 

[Buckman]

The Pedigree Dog Food company has gone bust! They've called in the retrievers.

 

[Beachball]

The future , the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.

 

[Beachball]

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in there shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you"re are a mile away and you have their shoes .

 

[Jcloughie]

These are actually for sale on line if anyone is interested. I nearly bought a couple as joke Christmas presents, but a bit too expencive for the joke.





Anyone interested?

John

 

[otherclive]

One for the Ryder Cup perhaps ?

 

[Steve1962]

Why did I get married.......?

Got fed up with finishing my own sentences.....

 

[Beachball]

Give a man a fish,and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 

[Buckman]

Give a man a fish,and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Why else would you go out in a boat pretending to fish? Also gets you away from nagging OH and DIY!

 

[Jcloughie]

 

[Beachball]

A fish swam into a concrete wall, Dam!

 

[Beachball]

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.

 

[Beachball]

A new wine has been made for cats. it won"t be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches

 

[Beachball]

Two wifi engineers got married , the reception was fantastic

 

[otherclive]

Three engineers are driving down a country road. The engine shudders and stops, and the driver coasts the car onto the shoulder and puts the car into park.
They sit in silence for a moment before positing their theories--
The electrical engineer says, "This is definitely electrical. Probably a problem with the wiring harness--"
The mechanical engineer says, "No, no... the rattle of the engine tells me this is a combustion problem."
The software engineer replies, "Either way, the first thing we should do is get out of the car, close the doors, and get back in again..."

 

[Hutch]

The New KFC has opened near the summit of Ben Nevis, ready for the winter climbing season.

 

[Dustydog]

Russian dolls are so full of themselves.

 

[Hutch]

I am going to have tattoos done on my upper back so that, people , that are sad can colour them in.
After all everyone needs a shoulder to Crayon on.

 

[Beachball]

The world champion tongue twister got arrested, I hear they"re going to give him a tough sentence.

 

[Jcloughie]

John

 

[Beachball]

There first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Now they"re hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set .

 

[Dustydog]

Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.’
‘Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.’

 

[Beachball]

You"ll always stay young if you live honestly,eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully and lie about your age.

 

[Challenger]

My Grandson wants the game "Operation" for Christmas, but it turns out there's a ten month waiting list...

 

[YorkieF]

How do you tell if a police horse is lame?

Cos, it goes good clop, bad clop.