When we got home this Christmas evening we found the snowman looked very relaxed. Nobody put him like that!
John
John
I understand that with the large number of dogs bought during lockdown Behaviourists are doing great business because many of the dogs were not socialised when young,, and their owners really hadn’t got a clue on how to live with a dog(s). I smiled though when reading this from one Behaviourist
“ Labradors are born half trained. Spaniels die half trained” Absolutely true.
“ Labradors are born half trained. Spaniels die half trained” Absolutely true.
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I don't know where this is from, I am just re-posting. I do not think it's the UK. Power cables look wrong.
John
True story heard yesterday.
Younger grandaughter to her older sister's (female) friend.
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"Yes, I have a twin brother"
"Are you identical twins?"
But then these days who knows.
Younger grandaughter to her older sister's (female) friend.
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"Yes, I have a twin brother"
"Are you identical twins?"
But then these days who knows.
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Looks like where we currently are... New Zealand...... Judging by driving on the left and also the wheelie bins.
I've always been in favour of gay marriage.
Why shouldn't they have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us?
Why shouldn't they have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us?
My Grandsans partener did that to his motor, knocked the tracking out as well, Says she didn't feel a thing????
These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class!
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.
22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.
22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?
A drunk man who smelled of
beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half-empty
bottle of gin was sticking out of his
torn coat pocket. He opened his
newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to
the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes
arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's
caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women,
too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”,
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said,
nudged the man and apologized. "I'm
very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the
Pope does."
MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.😜
A drunk man who smelled of
beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half-empty
bottle of gin was sticking out of his
torn coat pocket. He opened his
newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to
the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes
arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's
caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women,
too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”,
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said,
nudged the man and apologized. "I'm
very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the
Pope does."
MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.😜
Somehow that picture appeared on a message from me to my 18 year old granddaughter. Crikey did I get both barrels and this 75 year old knew he had been given a dressing down. Thing is she did it very eloquently and made her point very clearly and calmly ; and she was right.
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Billy Connoly story of man sleeping with twins was asked how do you tell them apart?
Answer the brother has a moustache
It’s better to keep one’s mouth shut and appear stupid than it is to open it and remove all doubt 🤔
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