One liners, Humour

[Beachball]

Just burned 2,000 calories. That"s the last time l leave brownies in the oven while l nap .

 

[Mel]

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

How many Therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the lightbulb has got to really want to change.

 

[GaryB]

 

[Challenger]

 

[Hutch]

View attachment 6518

Just needs Varnishing.

 

[Hutch]

View attachment 6519

My wife said leave me in peace and quiet while I cook dinner, So I took the batteries out of the smoke Alarm.

 

[Beachball]

The first time l got a universal remote control , l thought to myself. "This changes everything.

 

[Beachball]

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They"ll never expect it back.

 

[Challenger]

 

[toad a caravan]

Jersey royals ? Spuds

 

[Beachball]

What"s a frog"s favorite type of shoes? Open toad sandals.

 

[Beachball]

One of the oddities of Wall Street is that the dealer, not the customer, is the broker.

 

[Challenger]

 

[Jcloughie]

 

[Beachball]

What did one DNA say to the other DNA ? "Do these genes make me look fat?"

 

[Beachball]

How can you tell you"re getting old? When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

 

[Beachball]

Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents .

 

[Raywood]

How can you tell you"re getting old? When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

In my case it is to go to the Transport Museum and see half the cars I have had.

 

[Hutch]

 

[Beachball]

What did one cannibal say to the other while they eating a clown? "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[Beachball]

You"ll always stay young if you live honestly ,eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully and lie about your age

 

[Beachball]

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

 

[Challenger]

Did you know, women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend actually thinking.....

 

[Beachball]

How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?

 

[Beachball]

"Buffet" is a French word that means "get up and get it yourself."