One liners, Humour

[Beachball]

A new wine has been made for cats . It won"t be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches.

 

[Sam Vimes]

A new wine has been made for cats . It won"t be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches.

Only if they can make a bottle that can be opened by paws.

 

[Buckman]

Only if they can make a bottle that can be opened by paws.

A pouring bottle?

 

[Challenger]

 

[Challenger]

Only if they can make a bottle that can be opened by paws.

 

[Jcloughie]

I spent hours tending my herb in a pot and then it died. It was a waste of thyme.

John

 

[Jcloughie]

I saw a man stood on one leg by the cashpoint.
He was checking his balance.

John

 

[Beachball]

Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

 

[Hutch]

 

[Beachball]

"Buffet" is a French word that means "get up and get it yourself."

 

[Challenger]

Police have confirmed 2 ex premier league players have had their house burgled on the same night during the Euros.
Ryan Giggs lost 2 champions league medals, 13 premier league medals, 4 fa cup medals and 4 league cup medals. Harry Kane lost a kettle & a toaster .

 

[Martin_E]

Police have confirmed 2 ex premier league players have had their house burgled on the same night during the Euros.
Ryan Giggs lost 2 champions league medals, 13 premier league medals, 4 fa cup medals and 4 league cup medals. Harry Kane lost a kettle & a toaster .

Let’s hope Harry doesn’t loose his P45 as well 🤔😂

 

[Beachball]

My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again .She said she didn"t feel a thing!

 

[Challenger]

 

[Challenger]

 

[Beachball]

Communist jokes aren"t funny unless everyone gets them.

 

[Beachball]

A blind man walked into a bar...and a table...and a chair...

 

[Beardy]

Two blind guys fighting outside the pub last night. You should have seen their faces when I said 'My money is on the one with the knife'.

 

[Steve1962]

How does a polygamous hippie count his wives?




Wait for it......












One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie......

Already got my coat on and left the building

 

[Beachball]

Why don"t cats play poker in the jungle ? Too many cheetahs.

 

[otherclive]

 

[Beachball]

Why can"t you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything.

 

[Beachball]

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?

 

[toad a caravan]

Why is common sense so uncommon?

 

[otherclive]