One liners, Humour

[toad a caravan]

Wife wonders if it was looking for a hen party?

 

[jimmyg352]

75 Mins at 180

30 mins on one side at 180 then turn it over & same again, in a Ninja Foodi.

 

[Dustydog]

At an Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place

At a central heating supplier: Best place in town to take a leak.

 

[Beachball]

Like most people my age, I"m 50.

 

[toad a caravan]

I'm in my late 50's plus VAT

 

[otherclive]

 

[Sam Vimes]

A level biology.

Q. Name four signs of ageing.

A.
1. Moaning
2. Whinging
3. Complaining
4. Pushing to the front of queues

 

[Beachball]

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making and now, I can"t read anything.

 

[otherclive]

 

[Mel]

Four engineers get into a car. The car won’t start.

Mechanical engineer: it’s a broken starter.

Electrical engineer: dead battery.

Chemical engineer: impurities in the gasoline.

IT engineer: hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in.

 

[Martin_E]

 

[Beachball]

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel everyday.

 

[Jcloughie]

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel everyday.

That took me a second but I enjoyed it.

John

 

[Hutch]

 

[jimmyg352]

Like this?
Geordie of the Antarctic.

View: https://youtu.be/dFoRHWw2Dp0?si=vFuvK5wqdagr7K_H

 

[Hutch]

 

[DaveA1]

"I'll have to consult my diary, when she gets home"

 

[otherclive]

 

[Hutch]

When I say, the other day, I could be referring to anytime between Yesterday and 15 years ago.

 

[Beardy]

 

[Hutch]

 

[toad a caravan]

Young girl in Citroen 2cv conks out on dual carriageway and phones her brother up, brother appears and ties 2cv to back of Ford Cosworth and sets off doing a steady 25mph,after a few miles a Mitsubishi Evo pulls along side,the driver with a smirk shoots off,the ford does likewise,two traffic cos clock their speed at over 140mph,,they phone through to their colleagues"you won't believe this but there's a Cossie and an Evo side by side doing over 140mph with a girl flashing her lights and sounding her horn trying to overtake them 😁

 

[otherclive]

Young girl in Citroen 2cv conks out on dual carriageway and phones her brother up, brother appears and ties 2cv to back of Ford Cosworth and sets off doing a steady 25mph,after a few miles a Mitsubishi Evo pulls along side,the driver with a smirk shoots off,the ford does likewise,two traffic cos clock their speed at over 140mph,,they phone through to their colleagues"you won't believe this but there's a Cossie and an Evo side by side doing over 140mph with a girl flashing her lights and sounding her horn trying to overtake them 😁

……in a 2 CV

 

[Buckman]

Young girl in Citroen 2cv conks out on dual carriageway and phones her brother up, brother appears and ties 2cv to back of Ford Cosworth and sets off doing a steady 25mph,after a few miles a Mitsubishi Evo pulls along side,the driver with a smirk shoots off,the ford does likewise,two traffic cos clock their speed at over 140mph,,they phone through to their colleagues"you won't believe this but there's a Cossie and an Evo side by side doing over 140mph with a girl flashing her lights and sounding her horn trying to overtake them 😁

Very funny. Heard it many years ago, but it was a bicycle with the person ringing their bell. 🤣

 

[DaveA1]

Heard it was a bubble car. Went something like.
"now we are doing 160 as fast as I can go" bubble car pulls alongside and asked "ay buddy how do you get this thing out of second gear"